Blog – Page 11 – neilmclamb.com

My Food Confession

People that know me know that I have an interest in tasty and healthy real food. I read a lot about how different foods can be used as medicine and about the different food trends of today. I really enjoy reading about and cooking things from scratch verses buying pre-made items. While I don’t think anything is wrong with me enjoying these things, I have an unhealthy relationship with food at times and that is something I don’t typically share with others.

There’s a few reasons why I like to keep this hidden. One major reason is that if I’m discovered then I will look like a hypocrite. I will look like a weak failure that doesn’t completely and always practice the things I say are important. So, I hide my “failures”. I sneak in my “guilty pleasures”. Then I hide my shame and guilt for what I’ve done. Well, I say I hide this stuff but the symptoms manifest themselves loudly and affect not only me but those around me also.

I have done different cycles of fad diets and diets where I avoided eating certain things in hopes of making myself feel better. Some of this was a recommended trial by my doctor and some of it was just from my own advice. Again, I’m not saying it was a bad thing for me to eliminate certain things, and I strongly believe that there are very unhealthy things in our food that I would recommend avoiding as much as possible. I think for me though, I was not allowing myself any freedom. Because of my rules, at times I am not even experiencing the things I enjoy. I do not always tell myself that I can avoid unhealthy ingredients as much as possible. A lot of times it is all or nothing in my mind. Then I fail. I eat something from my no-no list and immediately the shame kicks in. How could I expect to help others with healthy diet choices if I can’t do it myself? When I “cheat”, I usually continue to “cheat” the rest of the day. I will overeat and eat as many of my no-no foods as possible. I mean I had already failed, right?!?! But here’s the kicker: I do most of my “cheating” in private. I sneak most of it so no one sees me fail. I feel like an imposter.

Keeping things hidden only fuels the shame and guilt. It keeps the cycle going. The symptoms of shame and guilt build. Then the hidden “cheating” just grows until I’m completely miserable. What’s next? You guessed it, many days of not “cheating” to make up for it. So I feel better now, right? WRONG! The cycle just starts again.

The only way to break the cycle is to stop the hiding and bring these things out into the light. Usually I talk with my husband, Neil, after I feel completely miserable. Usually he’s sensed that something is not right with me. He has noticed that I avoid intimacy with him, weigh myself more, am very irritable and am usually complaining about my stomach hurting! So, while I may be hiding what I am doing, I am not hiding the effects it has on me.

Not allowing things to be hidden anymore does not mean that I will never fall into this pattern again. It does mean that I know the power to break the cycle when I do. Not hiding actually allows me the freedom to do what I would tell others to do, “listen to your body, enjoy food & make healthy choices as much as possible, but when you can’t or don’t it’s okay to enjoy that to”. It’s freedom…freedom to fail and freedom to experience the things I love.

-Melissa

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:

What Exactly is Life Coaching…and Who is it For?

I was introduced to coaching through a small group setting. For several months we journeyed together and the process of self-discovery was life changing. I identified some areas of my life that were keeping me stuck and I wasn’t sure what exactly to do with them. After the small group coaching ended, I continued meeting with the coach individually. The coach listened to me. She asked some clarifying questions and helped me discover that one main reason I couldn’t move forward was because of a lie I was believing. I believed that I had to keep everyone happy and content or I was failing. It was all my responsibility. I could not move forward because guess who was deciding if everyone was happy or not? Me! And do you want to guess how I always perceived their response? You got it….I didn’t think they were happy and I never thought I did enough. If something wasn’t exactly right I blamed myself. Guess who really wasn’t happy? Me! The lies yelled at me and kept me stuck. I was only getting more and more frustrated. Through coaching, I was able to hear myself. I was able to see things more clearly and therefore, move forward. Do I still hear these lies and believe them at times? Yes, I certainly do, but now I am able to catch them. I am able to talk through them with someone I trust and stop the cycle.

The International Coach Federation (ICF) defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” Many times, it is looked at as counseling. While the two things do share some similarities, they are different. Coaching is not counseling. In coaching, the client is in the driver’s seat and the coach is along for the ride in the passenger seat. We look straight out the front window and have a goal in mind of where we are going. We get to know each other well as we prepare for the journey. We begin to trust each other as we look to see what is keeping us from starting our journey. This may be things such as lies we are believing about ourselves or unmet needs and expectations we have. It could also be hidden things in our lives that are keeping us stuck and in bondage. We also prepare for obstacles we may encounter along the way. We will have to make pit stops and refuel on this journey.

People seek out coaching because they are looking for growth and forward movement. It may be in a physical, spiritual, relational or emotional area of your life such as (but definitely not limited to) food/diet, exercise, goal setting, career choices, or understanding self or loved one. Coaching helps you discover what you need to go on your journey. As a Board Certified Coach, I help you create a vision for your journey and walk alongside you through it.

-Melissa

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:

Listening (Our First Vlog Post)

If the video above does not load properly, PLEASE CLICK HERE TO OPEN.

Please forgive our accents. Man, we had no clue we were that country. Oh well, maybe my He-Man shirt will make up for that. We do hope our experience today is a blessing to you in some way.

Links to others mentioned in this video: trueface.org, pretzellogistics.com, and hoodmemorial.org.

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:

I Can’t Sleep

I can’t sleep. Well, that isn’t completely accurate. I go to sleep quite easily. I just don’t STAY asleep. I wake up several times during the night. Most of the time I will wake up one final time, around 3AM, and stay awake until I get out of bed to do my morning workout before work.

It’s been like this for a few weeks now. I’m not at all surprised. This has happened before. There have been several periods in my life that I would go through a phase of this exhausting and annoying sleep pattern.

What’s wrong with me?

We all have signs that pop up, like “check engine” lights on the dashboard of our cars, when something is wrong with us. I’m not talking about a disease or physical injury…although those show symptoms as well. I’m actually talking about something being wrong inside of me.

Dr. Charles Solomon teaches the interpretation of Scripture that we are made up of three parts: spirit, soul, and body. When something is wrong in our spirit (our interaction with God), it directly affects our soul (mind, emotions, and will)…and then the physical body. The physical manifestation of my inability to get a good night’s sleep is only a sign of something awry deeper inside of me. I can treat the insomnia directly, but without getting to the root, the problem persists. It WILL reveal itself in other ways until it is exposed and resolved.

Something is going on deep inside my soul.

Our souls are made up of mind, emotions, and our will (our ability to choose). When I take a closer look, the first symptom I noticed, insomnia, is not the only sign of a problem. This goes deeper than just a problem with my physical body. When I take time to think about it, there are soul problems as well. For instance, I have shown signs of emotional distress. I have experienced a sizable amount of anxiety lately. Also, I have noticed irritability (anger). When I dig a bit deeper, I notice fears are creeping up on me (the usual fears of failure, rejection, etc.). But these are all just feelings. They are what they are. I don’t need to suppress them (which will only make things worse down the line), but I cannot control them or change them.

Capturing thoughts is a must.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5, Paul encourages the readers of his letter to capture their thoughts, examine them closely, and see if they are true or false. Paul understood just how powerful our minds are. Our thoughts directly impact what we do and how we feel. If I am thinking negative thoughts, my emotions will eventually follow suit. However, Paul was not encouraging mere positive thinking. He was asking for us to exercise discernment to see if our thoughts agree with God’s Truth. Any thought that does not line up with Truth is a lie. If we are actively believing lies, what we do and what we feel is determined by lies…not truth! That is a sobering realization. My insomnia, anger, anxiety, and other symptoms are the product of faulty thinking. And what keeps this cycle going is the fact that it is all hidden.

Hiding is not the answer.

I can choose to keep it all hidden by ignoring it, denying it, trying to handle it myself, or blaming it on someone else. However, living with things hidden (or “living in darkness”, as it’s called in other parts of Scripture like 1 John 1), perpetuates problems in all aspects of our lives: mentally, emotionally, behavioral, relationally, and physically. To really take a step towards healing, we must take a step into the light. It’s scary to be exposed, but we must be willing to be vulnerable in order for our deep heart issues to be resolved.

We cannot handle our sin, and we cannot handle issues related to our sin.

We live in a broken world. Sin affects us all the time. We commit it ourselves. Others commit it towards us. We are left feeling guilty and hurt. The Enemy works through the brokenness to distort the Truth in order to hurt us even more. And we cannot handle any of it. We cannot resolve not one part of sin or any of its effects on us or others….not on our own, anyway.

The resolving of my issues comes through trust.

After much experience with my own struggles in life, including the symptom of insomnia, it seems clear to me that there is one word that is crucial to real healing and resolution of any issue that we may have. That word is “trust”. I rarely can examine myself enough to really see clearly what is going on. I need a mirror, but not a cold lifeless one. I need a person I am willing to trust that will listen to me and eventually speak to me about what they are seeing and experiencing with me. When I choose to trust another person with myself, I get to experience God’s presence. Through my vulnerability, which is a sign of humility, I get to experience His Truths that shine a light on the dark lies.

For example, insomnia shows up in my life. I fight it, but eventually realize I need to stop and let God free me from what’s really causing it. I choose to trust someone, usually my wife, with myself. I open up, tell her about my anger, my fears, and what is going through my head. We take time to examine those thoughts. This is what we discover going through my head: “Neil, you have to figure all of this out on your own. You cannot trust or depend on anyone. They will let you down. Do it yourself!! All of it!! You probably will fail, anyway, but if you work hard enough…maybe you won’t!”

Ultimately, this lie is revealed: “God is not doing anything, so it’s all up to you.” That sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? I know better. However, my insomnia…caused by anxiety and frustration, my fears, my busyness, and my being miserable all say that I believe that ridiculous lie. Once exposed, it begins to really lose its power over me.

The truth is…

God loves me. He is most definitely at work in and around me. I see and experience it best through relationships with trusted people in my life. The best example I can offer is how I have experienced grace from my wife. I can most assuredly tell you, I do not deserve her love. However, she gives it to me anyway, because she wants to. She sees something in me that I don’t even see much of the time. I get to experience this only when I trust her with all of me…even the stuff I feel the most ashamed about. Grace is what I experience, and that helps me connect with my Father. He is the ultimate source of it all.

I CAN trust Him. I CAN trust the Truth, which will cause me to act on it…eventually causing my emotional and physical problems to reside. I’ve been here before. I will probably be here again, but I will not be here as long as I was this time…or the time before that. God is maturing me. That’s how this relationship with Him works. I’m already saved, secure, loved, and accepted. He’s just helping me to experience that reality…one step of faith at a time.

-Neil

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:

Telling Our Secrets

For over a year, I have been bombarded with a truth that escaped me for much of my life. It’s not that I didn’t KNOW it was true. I just didn’t fully EXPERIENCE it in my life. Here is one way to describe this truth…

God desires that we not hide from Him…or each other. He wants us to live in the light rather than darkness (wordage used in 1 John 1).

Hiddenness is a disease that plagues most of us on a daily basis. It eats at our souls and skewers our relationships. Adam and Eve hid in the Garden of Eden when they put on the fig leaves and refused to take responsibility for what they had done. We hide when loved ones ask how we are, and we say “okay!” when we are anything but. We struggle with things we feel shame about and keep it all a secret, hoping no one ever finds out, only to find out over and over that we continually lose the battle we attempt to fight on our own. We get discouraged. We feel hopeless. But we keep on keeping on…with our “I’m okay” or “he made me do it!” masks on.

Another couple of verses popped up at me, suggesting that secrets are no good for us.

In Ephesians 4:25 (ESV), Paul says this: “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”

It’s easy to misinterpret this line as a command to “tell others when they are doing wrong”. We tell ourselves we are “loving them” when we tell them about their bad behaviors and suggest that they do something about it. Some of us may even feel a little more righteous having done so. We couldn’t be further from the truth.

What if this verse was more about telling the truth ABOUT ME to others, rather than telling what I see as the truth about them? This would line up more with other passages such as 1 John 1 which tells us to live in the light (with nothing hidden), in order to have healthy relationships (fellowship).

What is visible can be resolved and transformed.

Ephesians 5:11-14 also speaks of the importance of exposing the things we keep in the dark to the light that “exposes” and makes it all “become visible” so that it can be transformed into light itself. I can work hard to keep my struggles a secret, and I can work hard to handle them myself. However, according to Bill Thrall, “Heart issues do not get resolved in isolation”. We need God’s power to handle what we cannot handle, and we cannot handle our own sin…let alone the sin of others!

Once our dark deeds are exposed to the light, which often means confiding in someone who loves and cares for us, the humility that it takes for us to do so becomes the avenue by which we experience God’s grace (James 4:6). This grace is what resolves sin issues, whether we’ve been hurt by others or whether we’ve done something to hurt others (which results in guilt that eats away at us if left in the dark). Gifts of grace such as forgiveness (that resolves hurt and shame) and repentance (that resolves guilty feelings and shame) are thrown around as common words in Christian circles, but we often fail at engaging them seriously in our relationships. If we are hiding stuff, we aren’t embracing these gifts of grace!

Tell your secrets and experience grace.

When I live out of who God says I am (a new identity in Christ, forgiven, accepted, and above all else…LOVED), I am able to step out of the darkness and into the light with God and others. I can share myself, the good and the bad….openly. I can be authentic!

Everyone does not get to share in our deepest struggles, but someone needs to. We need to trust someone. We do not even get to experience the act of being loved outside of trust, so this is very important stuff! If we leave an “I’m okay” mask on, the best others can do is love that stupid mask! We don’t need our masks to be loved. We need to be loved for who we are, even in our worst moments…not praised for who we pretend to be.

I’m engaging this truth myself.

I sense it is important for me to say this. I am fully engaged in this truth right now. I’m not perfect…just ask my wife or my son or my parents or anyone else that really knows the true Neil. However, refusing to hide anything about myself from those I trust and love is doing something in me. It is wonderful. Mind you, it is painful and difficult at times, but it is worth it. I can say I’ve personally experienced this and the freedom that comes from it. The authenticity it produces is amazing. God truly loves to work through humility (defined as “trusting Him and others with who we really are”).

-Neil

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:

Stigma Attached to Counseling

Melissa and I visited with a friend recently at lunch. She is a fellow Christian Counselor (visit her page by clicking here) in the Dunn area. In our discussion, we shared some with each other about the stigma that we often see being attached to counseling. It made me think back to my personal experience with counseling, when I was a client myself.

I avoided counseling as long as I could.

Back in 2004, I was having multiple panic attacks a day. These attacks were coupled with constant anxiety that robbed me of my ability to enjoy just about everything. I tried everything to cope and/or fix my problem. I tried prescription drugs, a lot of willpower, avoiding triggers, and other remedies. Nothing worked for me. I was determined to deal with it my way…on my own. I was told to seek counsel multiple times, but I rolled my eyes. At times, I would get desperate and actually consider looking into finding a counselor. When I did, I got very scared of what it would mean for me to go down that path. Was I so messed up that I actually needed a “shrink”? Would I be labeled crazy by others? WAS I crazy? Would I be wasting my time and money? Shouldn’t there be a better, less vulnerable way to fix this mess I was in? I put off the decision as long as I could…until one day I gave in. I was miserable and did not see a way out. I made contact with a counselor and set up an appointment.

Counseling was not what I expected.

I had expected this counselor to direct me to lay on a couch and whine as he jotted notes and discretely ate a sandwich behind me…occasionally saying, “Uh huh, and how does that make you feel?” However, it was nothing like that at all. My counselor was personable. As I began to trust him (which is a slow process for me), I shared more and more about what I was experiencing. He was great listener, and did not rush to give me pat answers. I had no idea at the time how badly I needed to be heard. Really heard. I realized a need to open up and share about me and what was going on inside and out. When he did speak, it was genuinely in response to what he was hearing me say. He did not treat me or my circumstances as “weird” or unacceptable.

Counseling taps into something natural and healing.

When our hair is messed up, we need a mirror to fix it back (well, not me…I’m bald, but I need a mirror to shave my head and not miss any spots!). Counseling serves many purposes, and one of them is acting like a mirror for us. When I shared with my counselor, he was able to offer reflections about me and my situation that I could not see myself. Without him, it was like I was trying to fix a cow-lick in the back of my head without a mirror. Reflections from a caring, trained counselor were foundational in the resolving of issues that I didn’t even know I had. Those issues were playing out in the physical and psychological manifestation of anxiety and panic attacks. My counselor was able to help me piece all of it together.

Counseling is not for the cowardly and weak.

One of my hesitancies about seeking counsel was that it meant I was weak and pitiful…like less of a man. I realized fairly quickly in the process that I was mistaken. And after nine years of counseling others, my thoughts are even more emphatic: PEOPLE WHO SEEK COUNSELING ARE MUCH BRAVER AND STRONGER THAN THEY REALIZE. It takes courage to be vulnerable with someone and to face the unknown or perhaps things we’ve been avoiding. It takes bravery to remove the “I’m okay” mask and say, “You know what, I’m NOT okay!” It’s a healing process, but it is not effortless. I have an immense respect for all people that seek counsel.

The counseling experience can be both comfortable and life-changing.

I hope to help others hurdle over the stigma that has been associated with counseling. For me, counseling is very relational. I am committed to real, authentic interactions with people I meet with every day. Yes, I’m trained in my profession, but I minister out of a foundation of trust in the healing power of God’s grace that we get to experience together in a safe counseling setting. I realize it can be scary and uncomfortable, especially at first, but I also know how it can become an experience in which God brings marvelous outcomes of hope, healing, and freedom.

-Neil

If you would like information about S.A.F.E. Counseling and Coaching services, please click here to contact us. We’d love to hear from you and see if any of our services are right for you.

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?

I love The Sound of Music! It is full of beautiful songs that get stuck in my head quite often. Just the other day I was getting dressed and “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria” suddenly came to my mind. I kept singing it and wondering why in the world it was stuck in my head! It made me want to watch the musical……again!

After singing it a few times in my mind I started thinking more about the story. Maria was a nun living in a convent. She was very different than the other nuns. She got “lost” in her own world quite often and this caused her to appear disobedient. She would wonder about admiring the beauty around her and sing about it. She smiled a lot and always seemed so happy and full of life. Her sisters were more serious and felt that obeying all the rules was a must. They would easily get frustrated with Maria hence the song “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria”. Do I have you singing it in your head yet?!?!

Mother Superior knew Maria was different than the others. I am not saying that the other nuns were wrong or bad. They fit that environment well and flourished there. Mother Superior knew that Maria did not. Mother Superior had a decision to make. Would she force Maria to become like the others and obey all the rules or would she let Maria go so she could live out of who she really was?

She knew Maria would have to put on a mask and hide her true self in order to fit in there and “be solved”. She did not want that for Maria. She wanted Maria to experience the freedom that comes from living out of who she was created to be. She found Maria a place that she felt would allow that freedom.

At first, Maria did not see it that way. She wanted to go back to the comfort of what she knew. She was telling herself that wearing a mask was easier than authenticity. But something happened. Maria began to trust the children she was caring for with herself. She let them inside her world. Relationships began to develop. Trust grew and they began to let Maria inside their world. She extended grace to them when they did everything they could to make her go away. She comforted them when they needed it. She listened to them and gave advice when asked.

Living out of who we are does not just mature and grow us….

Embracing the love God has for us does not just mature and grow us….

It flows out of us and we are able to experience our relationship with God through others. Mother Superior loved Maria and because of that she helped Maria see that she was perfect and loved just as she was. She did not need to change. She helped her embrace who she was and out of that Maria experienced freedom.

-Melissa

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:

The S.A.F.E. Counseling and Coaching Office is Open!

Our Office is Open!

Melissa and I are happy to announce the opening of S.A.F.E. Counseling and Coaching in Dunn, NC. We are grateful to the good people at Hood Memorial Church who are providing us with a beautiful office space.

Location

Our office is located on the 3rd floor of Hood Memorial Christian Church at 300 E. Cumberland Street, Dunn, NC 28334.

Hours

As of right now, our hours are by appointment only (with counseling and coaching generally being scheduled between 5:30PM and 8:00PM Monday through Thursday).

Browse the Website!

If you’ve not already, please take a look around our website, where we have shared our passion, perspective, mission, vision, services we offer, and more. If you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us.

-Neil and Melissa

Please subscribe to our mailing list so that you can receive news and updates…

Relationships for an Introvert

I am an introvert. This may come as no surprise to some, but a big surprise for others who know me. This is because I can be quite talkative in the right environment. However, I can blend with the wall pretty well in other situations. I find that I am more apt to get involved with conversation when it is about something I am passionate about. If I’m not interested, I will let others do the talking all day long.

I don’t hate people.

Being an introvert, do I dislike people? No, not at all. In fact, I actually like most people quite a lot. The misperception of introverts, many times, is that we simply do not like to be around people. The truth is we only have so much energy for socializing. After our battery is used up, we need time to recharge. The only way to do that is…alone time! Without time by ourselves, anxiety, frustration, burnout, and even depression could set in at some point.

I need relationships.

Introverts like myself may need time away from people, but we are still built FOR relationships. Extroverts, like my son, simply have more energy for more socialization, as they are recharged when they are around others.

I put a lot into my close, personal relationships.

As an introvert, I put a lot of energy into the personal relationships God blesses me with. I may not have a bunch of extroverted energy to spread around, but I make the most of what I have with the handful of others I am very close to. For most introverts, that winds up being a small number of people (family and close friends). As a counselor, I see myself also being able to dive in with clients in a one-on-one or one-on-two setting.

When I get hurt, it takes a while to heal.

Because we introverts put so much of our energy into the relationships that are dear to us, when we are hurt by them, the wound is very deep. In fact, the hurt is so severe that some of us find ourselves wanting to pull away from everyone. It feels like we need to do that in order to protect ourselves.

I am unable to self-protect without self-inflicting myself with more wounds.

The problem with self-protection is that often leads to isolation for an introvert. Isolation prevents us from getting some of our most crucial needs met. Although we need time away from people, it is very unhealthy for us to be without others in our lives. This is a truth that I have only recently embraced fully. For a very long time (much of my life), I told myself “I don’t need anyone”. I have even told myself, “God can meet all my needs, so being around others is not vital to me”. This sounds very “Christian-y”, but it is far from what God wants for me, or any of us.

God made many of us introverts. He also made us a part of His family.

It is a bold-faced lie that we do not need others. God is very relational. As believers, He calls himself our Father. He “adopted” us so that we have become His children. Scripture tells us that, as His children, we are each other’s brothers and sisters. Christ is like our elder brother. It’s all about relationship, which glorifies and pleases God abundantly!

We have a need to trust our Father…and others.

This is another truth I have only recently embraced deeply: I need to trust others with myself. The part about trusting God? Sure, I was cool with that. But trusting others? Not so much. As an introvert, it often gives me the heebie jeebies to think about opening up to others. I’d rather just let them know what I want them to know. The problem with that is that I wind up with a mask on and receiving no acceptance or love from anyone…which are two crucial needs we all share. The most I can get with a mask on is, “Hey man, nice mask!” The masks come from not believing the truth about who God says I am. Instead of believing the truth that I am a saint who is forgiven, loved, accepted, and significant, I fall for the lies that I am messed up, broken, not enough, a failure, rejected, and stupid. That false identity screams for me to keep my face covered.

Trust in relationships opens the door to our destiny.

When I choose to trust others with the real me, both the good and the bad, I open the door for others to offer me grace and unconditional love and acceptance. Yes, I risk getting hurt when I trust others with me. However, I also risk developing relationships that God works in to restore me, heal my wounds, and give me the confidence to move forward into the good plans God has for me (my destiny!). Those kinds of relationships are a direct reflection of how God relates to us. We come to him, trusting Him with the real us, and He offers His grace, His love, and His unconditional acceptance. We have the awesome opportunities in this life to experience all of that with Him…AND others, but we must allow ourselves to be open to letting others into our lives.

-Neil

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:

Are We Acting Crazy?

When I was around seven years old, I told my parents that I wanted to talk to the preacher about salvation. I cannot recall exactly all that was going through my mind at the time. I do remember being very nervous. Rev. Bobby Tew (one of the coolest and funniest men I’ve ever known) sat down with me and had a conversation with me about what was going on. It led to me embracing Christ.

I bought into a lie after I came to know Christ.

Something happened to me after that. I bought into a gigantic lie that made my walk with Christ seem like I was carrying 1,000 lbs. on my shoulders. As I grew older and became a teenager, the stress of being a “good Christian” was overwhelming. I fluctuated between the two polar opposites of trying really hard to please God and giving up when I felt like I had failed Him. Sometimes I would watch my behavior closely, trying not to sin. Other times I would act out in rebellion, doing whatever I wanted because I felt my efforts to please Him always fell short anyway. At those times, I would say to myself, “Why even try? I will fail anyway. I might as well do what I want and enjoy myself.”

Many of us buy into this lie that led to me struggling so much. The lie may come in different forms, but it always communicates the same thing. It says, “Sure, you are saved from hell, but you are still only one false move away from the chopping block. You’d better get to work. God may love you, but He doesn’t like you very much. You still have a lot to do in order to rid yourself of that dirty sin you keep committing. You know the one I’m talking about! And God does too! He’s waiting for you to prove you are the Christian you ought to be.”

Maybe my ancestors were from Galatia.

In Paul’s letter to the Galatians, he addressed the fact that the people there were believing the same lie that I struggled with (and still do at times). He began Chapter 3 by saying, “You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you?” (Galatians 3:1, ESV). In other words, “You crazy Galatians!…Have you taken leave of your senses? Something crazy has happened, for it’s obvious that you no longer have the crucified Jesus in clear focus in your lives.” (excerpts from Galatians 3:1, The Message)

The Galatians had started their walk with Christ by trusting God’s Grace to be sufficient. They trusted themselves, with all of their sins, hurts, and shame, with the Lord as they knew they could not bring themselves to the point of being worthy of a relationship with Him outside of His Grace. They knew they could not perform well enough to please Him with their own self-effort. However, after a period of time, Paul noticed that they had fell for the lie that they could somehow live their lives as believers differently than how they first embraced that new life in Christ. They were trying to, in self-effort, manage their sin and please God with their performance.

We cannot please God by relying on our moral striving, even on our best day.

Why do we do this to ourselves? We are acting crazy if we think we can somehow “be a good Christian” by focusing on each other’s sins and managing them better. Sin is actually in control of us if we ever think we are in control of it! And we actually start to feel crazy after a while of living like that!

The fact is, God is not asking us to do the impossible…which is: train ourselves to “do more good works that are pleasing to Him” and “sin less”. He does not want us to “do things for Him”. Instead, He wants us to enter into what He does for us. Ephesians 2:8-10 tells us, so beautifully and simply, we are saved by Grace through faith (trusting Him with ourselves and trusting what He says is true) and that salvation has nothing to do with our self-effort. The same goes for our walk as believers after salvation. Just as much as we needed to rely on Him in the beginning, we also need to rely on Him now. It’s the only way for us to mature. We do not become something different by working hard to become something different. In fact, we are already different. In Christ, we have been reborn…a beautiful, new creation in Christ. We are loved, accepted, secure, special, redeemed, and significant. He is already pleased with us. Nothing will change that. Now, we are able to act out of that new identity when we trust Him.

His Grace never stops.

He will continue to shower His love and Grace on us until we release our grip and let it in. That is what Paul was trying to convey to the Galatians around the years 54-55 AD, and that is a message we all need to hear now. As my friends at Trueface say, “Grace changes everything.”

-Neil

If you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here: