I am an introvert. This may come as no surprise to some, but a big surprise for others who know me. This is because I can be quite talkative in the right environment. However, I can blend with the wall pretty well in other situations. I find that I am more apt to get involved with conversation when it is about something I am passionate about. If I’m not interested, I will let others do the talking all day long.
I don’t hate people.
Being an introvert, do I dislike people? No, not at all. In fact, I actually like most people quite a lot. The misperception of introverts, many times, is that we simply do not like to be around people. The truth is we only have so much energy for socializing. After our battery is used up, we need time to recharge. The only way to do that is…alone time! Without time by ourselves, anxiety, frustration, burnout, and even depression could set in at some point.
I need relationships.
Introverts like myself may need time away from people, but we are still built FOR relationships. Extroverts, like my son, simply have more energy for more socialization, as they are recharged when they are around others.
I put a lot into my close, personal relationships.
As an introvert, I put a lot of energy into the personal relationships God blesses me with. I may not have a bunch of extroverted energy to spread around, but I make the most of what I have with the handful of others I am very close to. For most introverts, that winds up being a small number of people (family and close friends). As a counselor, I see myself also being able to dive in with clients in a one-on-one or one-on-two setting.
When I get hurt, it takes a while to heal.
Because we introverts put so much of our energy into the relationships that are dear to us, when we are hurt by them, the wound is very deep. In fact, the hurt is so severe that some of us find ourselves wanting to pull away from everyone. It feels like we need to do that in order to protect ourselves.
I am unable to self-protect without self-inflicting myself with more wounds.
The problem with self-protection is that often leads to isolation for an introvert. Isolation prevents us from getting some of our most crucial needs met. Although we need time away from people, it is very unhealthy for us to be without others in our lives. This is a truth that I have only recently embraced fully. For a very long time (much of my life), I told myself “I don’t need anyone”. I have even told myself, “God can meet all my needs, so being around others is not vital to me”. This sounds very “Christian-y”, but it is far from what God wants for me, or any of us.
God made many of us introverts. He also made us a part of His family.
It is a bold-faced lie that we do not need others. God is very relational. As believers, He calls himself our Father. He “adopted” us so that we have become His children. Scripture tells us that, as His children, we are each other’s brothers and sisters. Christ is like our elder brother. It’s all about relationship, which glorifies and pleases God abundantly!
We have a need to trust our Father…and others.
This is another truth I have only recently embraced deeply: I need to trust others with myself. The part about trusting God? Sure, I was cool with that. But trusting others? Not so much. As an introvert, it often gives me the heebie jeebies to think about opening up to others. I’d rather just let them know what I want them to know. The problem with that is that I wind up with a mask on and receiving no acceptance or love from anyone…which are two crucial needs we all share. The most I can get with a mask on is, “Hey man, nice mask!” The masks come from not believing the truth about who God says I am. Instead of believing the truth that I am a saint who is forgiven, loved, accepted, and significant, I fall for the lies that I am messed up, broken, not enough, a failure, rejected, and stupid. That false identity screams for me to keep my face covered.
Trust in relationships opens the door to our destiny.
When I choose to trust others with the real me, both the good and the bad, I open the door for others to offer me grace and unconditional love and acceptance. Yes, I risk getting hurt when I trust others with me. However, I also risk developing relationships that God works in to restore me, heal my wounds, and give me the confidence to move forward into the good plans God has for me (my destiny!). Those kinds of relationships are a direct reflection of how God relates to us. We come to him, trusting Him with the real us, and He offers His grace, His love, and His unconditional acceptance. We have the awesome opportunities in this life to experience all of that with Him…AND others, but we must allow ourselves to be open to letting others into our lives.
-Neil
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I have finally found out that I am an Introvert. What you have described is so like myself. Thank you so much. Love to read your blogs. Thanks so much, Faye Shipp