Author: Neil McLamb

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:7-8, ESV)

Like Adam and Eve in the garden, we have all felt the urge to find some fig leaves to hide behind. When shame hits us, it is our first instinct. It can happen when we’ve done wrong, when someone’s hurt us, when we’ve been embarrassed, or when we see a weakness in ourselves. Eventually, it becomes second-nature…something we do without even realizing the source. We just, by habit, put on a mask to hide behind and go about our everyday lives hoping no one sees through it.

To walk by faith and not allow shame to control us, it’s good to do these three things: 1) identify our personal “fig leaves” (our masks or how we hide), 2) identify the reason why we hide behind those fig leaves, and 3) identify the truth that sets us free from them.

I sometimes use words as a fig leaf. Although any empty words will do, bigger words are better because they are easier to hide behind. When I can masterfully create a barrier with words, others do not see the real me. This fig leaf leads to getting bogged down in conversations that sound very intellectual but do not actually go very deep. Basically, true relationship with others loses out to things like “theological mumbo jumbo”. When this fig leaf is used, things said are not necessarily bad or untrue, but the chosen words just do not reveal the whole picture.

One reason I find myself hiding behind words is to prevent others from seeing painful emotions (guilt, shame, anger, etc.). The empty talk allows me to avoid revealing what’s really going on inside. The phrase, “fake it till you make it”, comes to mind. Unfortunately, “faking it” never turns into being real, dealing with inner struggles, and healing.

Another reason we hide is that there are things we do not like about ourselves. In my case, deep down I often see myself as “not good enough”. Although I know the truth in my head, I sometimes struggle with actually believing that God loves me and accepts me, no questions asked. I put the pressure on myself to earn what He gives freely through Christ. When I believe God is waiting for me to prove myself, I quickly grab the closest fig leaf to hide behind. He lovingly calls out to me often, encouraging me to trust Him and who He created me to be in Christ. By faith (taking Him at His word), I am able to step out from behind whatever bush I am hiding behind.

This was an important blog post for me, for two reasons. First, I think, as Christians, we often believe it’s best for others to only see how “well-put-together Jesus makes us”. However, that rarely points people to Christ. A person struggling and trusting Jesus is much more convincing of the Gospel than a know-it-all who “has it all together”, even when preaching the truth. The Gospel message relieves us of the pressure to have it all together, and points us to a savior to rely on every step of the way. He is the remedy for fig leaves.

Second, it is safe to say that some of you reading this have been exposed to my “fig leaf of words” at some point. I apologize to you. I pray that God will allow me to continue to experience His love in new ways so that what you see when you interact with me is more of Him and less of a fig leaf. Receiving His love is what is required for me to be the authentic man He created me to be, one who is free and does not mind getting out from behind the words. 

2 Corinthians 2:1-5
 
Ephesians 3:14-19

We all have experienced things we do not want others to know about us. It may be a past choice or event in our life. It may be a current real or perceived shortcoming. Shame is a real issue, and it leads to a desire to hide. We continually seek ways to conceal our source of shame from not only others, but ourselves as well. It’s a perpetual “bob and weave”. It’s amazing the things we can come up with to do this.

Adam and Eve put on fig leaves after eating of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Moses begged God to have someone else do the public speaking for him because he felt he was not adequate. Abraham told other men his beautiful wife was his sister, out of fear that he could not handle the situation if those men knew he was her husband and they decided to try to take her from him. King Saul had severely low self esteem, which led to many bad decisions based on trying to hide his weaknesses from others. King David did everything he could to hide the fact that he had gotten a married woman pregnant, including murdering her husband.

Shame is a consequence of sin. It can bring to light the fact that we have fallen short in some way. It brings out the need we have for restoration. When we hear the Gospel message that we have someone to rely on for that healing and renewing, we find hope and freedom. There is a remedy for shame in our Savior, Jesus. In Him, we are adopted as God’s children and become new creatures that we couldn’t become on our own.

In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me! (Psalm 31:1, ESV)

For His followers, we have access to that saving Grace every second of every day through faith. However, we often lose sight of who we are in Him; chosen, loved, forgiven, and saints. When we fail to rest in those truths, the feelings of shame return. It drains us. It holds us back. It leads to bad decisions. Ironically, although it’s good for pointing out our own sin, it can even confuse us into believing we are guilty for other people’s actions. To catch myself in this downward spiral, I must be willing to be honest about how I hide because it is the biggest evidence of shame. If I ignore it, the feelings of shame are only stored up, to fester and grow, until they burst out again and slam me face first into the ground.

I plan to spend some time over the next few weeks on this topic and blogging about some ways in which I have discovered myself hiding. As always, it’s vitally important for us to take a real look at how we can take steps of faith each and every day. Since shame is so often used as a vicious weapon by the Enemy against us, it’s important to examine what it looks like for us to win battles against it.

Years ago, I began facing what has proven to be the longest-lasting, most difficult struggle I have experienced. It began suddenly, so I was not prepared. There were no answers. The pervasive “why?” question that inevitably pops up in difficult circumstances had no response. Well, not one that really satisfied my longing for a full, detailed explanation, anyway.

I prayed for God to intervene. I searched for and tried out potential remedies along the way. When experiencing difficult circumstances, “remedies” can come in many different forms, depending on the person and what the struggle is. Whether it comes in the form of a self-help book, a hobby, a relationship, medicine, or something else entirely, when we are desperate, we tend to grab for whatever seems to work.

For me, occasionally, I would find something that would work. By “work”, I mean it would make me feel better. But soon I would be right back, faced with the issue once again. It was like a tease, only to be let down over and over again. These “fixes” are so appealing, they are blinding. Nothing else matters but getting that “fix”.

When we are hurting, scared, or simply longing for something, we simply want it fixed as quickly as possible. We want to avoid suffering for any period of time. When we can’t find an earthly solution, many times we apply the “squeaky wheel” theology. We figure God will eventually fix it for us if we hound him enough in prayer (the “squeaky wheel gets the oil”). But what about those times that we don’t get the answer we are looking for?

When God did not fix my problem, I was not at all happy about it. Not having it fixed meant more difficult times. Although there have been times that I have actually accepted my “thorn in the flesh”, that was not commonplace at first. There have been numerous instances of me expressing outright anger over what seemed to be His refusal to help me. There have been other times that I have rejected it and pleaded with God for it to be fixed.

Along the way, the Enemy has shown up, more times than not, in the “remedies” I have run across, deceptively promising to give me something God would not or even claiming to be Him giving me what I wanted. In my experience, quick fixes are full of false promises of reward, whether it be for legitimate needs (such as love, acceptance, security, and significance) or things like fame, popularity, financial gain, power, or even physical healing. They play on our emotions, and, although they do not often come as little wooden statues, they are very much idols we look to instead of the Lord.

God did not desire to fix my problem for me. That would have been the easy way out, but it would also be shallow and temporary. Instead of playing the role of Santa Claus and giving me what I wanted, God knew a battle was necessary to give me what I needed. No matter what it took, He wanted me free to be exactly who He created me to be. He knew I would never look to Him if I found the deceptive satisfaction in something else, so He allowed “the thorn” to do its job. It has acted much like a warning light on the dash of a car, indicating something is wrong when I am looking to something other than Him, the true source of everything I need.

Having experienced what it is like for God not to “fix it for me”, I have tasted a level of confidence that can only come through hardship. He has lovingly let me suffer in order to meet this need. I have more of an understanding of the confidence He has in His relationship with me. He knows I am His and He will not let me go. He has had confidence, the whole time, that I would persevere.

Instead of being spoiled by getting exactly what I wanted, the struggle has required that I trust Him even more to provide what I am truly seeking. You could say that it has helped to keep me out of trouble that arises from not walking closely with Him. Ironically, the thing I thought would certainly destroy me, has actually been a protective mechanism in my life.

Instead of arrogance taking over, I am humbled by the constant reminder that I can do nothing worthwhile on my own. God knew my family and the friends He would send my way needed a humble man, not an arrogant one. And not only that, but He has given me a connection with the other hurting people I am fortunate enough to get to know. If He had done what I begged for at times, I would have little to no understanding of what others are going through.

There have been, and will be times, that I lose sight of the truth regarding why God chose not to take away this “thorn”. During those times, something will falsely appear more satisfying than He is. I pray I will not fall for it, but if I do, I pray I quickly recall the truth and run to Him. While I am seeing these things clearly, I say without hesitation, “Thank you, Lord, for not fixing me”.

While it is wonderful to practice discernment in my life and to share that with others, when I find myself anxious, or even angry over it, I need to join God in examining my heart. God’s gift of discernment helps us to recognize anything that goes against His truth. It helps us to pick up on attempts to deceive us. However, discernment comes with a sense of peace, not fear. And that’s where I find myself often: fearful of what might happen if I do not put great effort into making sure I protect myself.

But what am I so afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen if I let down my guard? Immediately thoughts rush through my mind when I ask those two simple questions. “Neil, you will look like a fool! You will get hurt! It will be your fault when something goes wrong!” And that’s just a few of them. But it’s enough to begin seeing what I fear. I fear looking stupid. I fear being hurt. I also fear feeling guilty if things do not go as planned. All of these are things I want to avoid.

However, when I allow these fears to control me, I find myself being manipulative, trying to control things. I sometimes excessively plan out conversations I might have with others, analyze everything done and said around me, try to dig up more information on what’s going on around me so I am ready for anything, be silent as to avoid looking like I do not know something or accidentally “sharing too much”, and blacklist certain people. These behaviors prevent me from enjoying relationships because I am consumed with controlling them…all to protect myself. And I do all of this hard work that eventually proves unhelpful. Any control I think I have is flimsy, at best.

Ironically, my fears exist because I have already been successfully manipulated. When I fear looking stupid, somewhere deep down, I have believed the lie that I AM actually stupid, and I constantly try to prove to myself and others that I am not. Perhaps, I might think, God created me incompetent or that I simply cannot live up to what He wants me to. When I fear being hurt, I recall all the times that I have been hurt. I have a difficulty seeing how God was in the midst of those hard times. Then, believing the lie that relationships are just not worth the risk of more pain, I proceed to shut myself off to any possibility of being hurt, which also prevents any possibility of experiencing the benefits of relationships as well. And, finally, when I fear feeling guilty, I recall shame from my past and that shame says terrible things about me that I am tempted to believe. These things are contrary to the truth that I am not guilty in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) and that I do not have to live in shame.

To be free from this, to really let go of my own manipulation, I must recognize the core manipulation in my life, by the Enemy, is to get me to believe lies about God and myself. Satan began in the garden trying to dismantle our view of our Heavenly Father. He is successful, quite often, in doing this through a variety of ways. Does God truly love and accept me? Am I significant to Him and secure in Him? My real issue is misunderstanding who God is and what Jesus Christ accomplished and then answering “no” to any part of those questions. Once I embrace the truth, I recognize and renounce lies as they come my way. Only then do I feel safe enough to drop the manipulation, enjoy relationships, AND practice the gift of discernment in the way He intended it to be used.

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. (2 Corinthians 10:5-6, ESV)

In my previous post, I mentioned a “Part 2”. I plan to keep my word on that. However, in experiencing some things this past weekend and rereading that initial post, I realized a potential disconnect with those reading my blog. I want to address that here.

To understand the struggle with manipulation that I am sharing, it is important to understand something that is extremely important. I have many faults…many weaknesses…and I guarantee you that I could spend the rest of my life writing about and sharing on nothing else but those shortcomings. One shortcoming that God has worked diligently with me on since I was a teenager is honesty. My parents can attest to what I am about to share here: I was an expert liar during my teenage years.

Since then, truth has become vitally important to me. I spend a lot of my time trying to discern what’s right or wrong, fake or real, and true or untrue. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on my motivation. In the Scripture I have included above, Paul highlights the need for discernment, in EVERYTHING. Speeches we hear, books we read, music we sing and listen to, social interactions with others, exchanges in relationships…all of these can be passively accepted at face value. But this is dangerous.

When we turn off our minds and accept any and every thing that passes through our senses, we inevitably allow things that go against God’s Truth to enter our lives. I am going to borrow a good example of this from someone I have mentioned before, Derek Webb. He is a singer and songwriter. He admits his music has been labeled as “Christian Music”. The problem, he states, is that although he is a Christian, he is human. Sometimes, he knows he has written music and performed it with lyrics and/or actions that were contrary to God’s Truth. Although I have met Mr. Webb and trust the heart God has given him, I must remember that there will be times in which he falls short and offers something that is simply “not good and holy”, as he has said. The “Christian label” can be a false advertisement for something that suggests you are safe to shut down discernment and accept anything you hear as true. This is not just applicable to Mr. Webb and his music, of course, but with anything we consume.

Another example is myself. I have counseled people for around six years now. During that time, I have also had the wonderful opportunity to speak in several different Sunday School classrooms, preach to a few congregations, and even write on this blog. Although I know very well that I take all of those interactions seriously and deeply long to only present that which is true, I have messed up…more than a few times. Some of those interactions I would love to go back and scrap altogether now that God has shown me what I thought was true was not true at all. Sometimes He has shown me that my motivation was not love, which makes any truth just an aggravating noise to those around me.

A huge part of walking by Grace through Faith is aggressively comparing what we see, hear, and experience in other ways to what God says is true. When I fail to be actively developing a filter day by day with His truth, I make myself a target for deception. This comes, ultimately, from the Enemy, but he works through many people and things to accomplish his goal of manipulating us to buy into his lies. Often, those he works through do not even realize they have been a conduit for his attack. Anything that is manipulative is not truthful, so it does not come from God. He is as straight forward, honest, and true as one can be.

So, as I move forward with “Part 2” of my posts on manipulation, I want to keep things in perspective. Although I struggle with how I use it, discernment is vitally important. I believe it is something we have lost touch with as followers of Christ. Even when it is mentioned, it’s often misinterpreted as some “feeling” you get. It’s not. Discernment is based solely on truth. It’s a conscious choice we make, whether we are listening to a sermon or watching TV. As Paul states in 2 Corinthians 10:5, take every thought that crosses your mind captive, compare it to what God says, and then move forward in Truth. The Holy Spirit makes this possible, but we must exercise it.

I am not geared towards enjoying people telling me what to do. I have a tendency to rebel against authority, unless I deeply trust the one in charge. Historically, this can be seen clearly in my relationship with God and people. Sometimes people do not have the authority to enforce their will, so they simply try to cloak their efforts to get others to do what they want them to do (and get what they want). With my mindset, I am often compelled to have my guard up. That being said, I have a keen sense for manipulation.

Recently, I have been praying about and contemplating this great struggle I have with people I perceive as being users and manipulators. Throughout my journey with Christ, searching for truth that will set me free from this, if I am not careful I forget that I, too, fall into this category at times. There are circumstances in which I fall for the temptation to manipulate people to think I’m smart, to try to control my environment for some sense of false security, and to convince others to listen to my advice (this last one is a killer in counseling sessions!). So…I struggle with the same sinful behavior I see in others and hate so deeply.

There is a need to surrender my efforts to control others and my surroundings. In my case, the primary example of how I tend to manipulate is by doing everything I can to disallow the possibility of BEING manipulated (or controlled). This, of course, sometimes flows over into me trying to prevent those around me from being manipulated as well. Discernment is a wonderful thing to exercise, but living in fear of being manipulated is a whole other ballgame. It only leads to anger, anxiety, and a sense of hopelessness. When I am attempting to manipulate, regardless of my perceived motive, I have lost sight of the fact that I can trust God to be intimately involved in those matters, so I jump in the driver’s seat. And whether I’m the one manipulating, or if I am the one being manipulated, the end result is pain and suffering.

I obviously have more than just a healthy aversion to manipulation. However, manipulation is the primary tool of our Enemy (his lies are manipulative tools meant to destroy us), so we must not discount it as something to watch out for. It is dangerous, and we need to practice discernment in order to recognize it. God’s truth undoubtedly sets us free, so manipulation, being engulfed in lies, can only lead to bondage when we fall for it. I know I hate to see someone I love being manipulated. If I hate it, how much more must God hate to see those He loves being misled, used, and, ultimately, lured away from the truth that sets them free.

Personally, pondering that truth of how God views manipulative forces on this earth helps me to let go a little. If He actually loves me and those I love more than I can fathom, then, as His child, I can fully trust Him to work things together for good. That doesn’t mean that we won’t ever ignore His voice of truth when He is warning us and, inevitably, believe some of the lies being sold to us on a constant basis. However, He is much better equipped for the job than I am to reach out in truth and love to rescue me and those I love.

The fight is not necessarily “me vs the manipulative forces”, rather, the fight is to believe the truth so strongly that the manipulative forces lose their power. This goes back, of course, to my relationship with God through Christ, not how well I protect myself and those around me from manipulation. In fact, sometimes when I dish out truth, it is just noise to those around me. And I must not forget that, at times, I have my own struggle with manipulating others to get what I want. Perhaps I need to deal with this 2X4 in my own eye before trying to yank the splinter out of someone else’s.

I am very proud of my son. He is very much like me in some ways, and in other ways, he is very different than me. Where I am what they call “introverted”, he is very much “extroverted”. He loves people…just being around them, seeking out and making new friends, and enjoying them. Socializing simply energizes him. Although I do love and enjoy people, being introverted, I need my time away from people to be recharged. Socializing DOES NOT energize me like it does him. It’s just one of the differences between us that makes our relationship fun and interesting.

One thing we have in common is difficulty with authority. Being his father, this commonality can lead to conversations in which we understand each other and work towards solutions, but it can also lead to exactly the opposite when we do not see eye to eye. Of course, the latter situations are the most difficult to work through, but we do.

The most difficult thing for me is dealing with my fears as his father. I am fearful of what may happen to him in certain situations. I am fearful that he will be hurt, that he will fail at something, that he will miss opportunities, and if I am really honest, I fear that any of those things are a direct result of me being a failure.

Then comes the attempts to control, because that is what typically follows fear. I attempt to manipulate and control the situation so that what I fear does not occur. Unfortunately, when this switch is flipped…when control is turned on, loving actions are turned off. My focus has turned from what is best for my son to what is best for me to avoid what I fear. I admit, this is a thin line, because I fully believe there are times in which we must protect others (especially our children) from certain danger and harm. However, it is vastly important for me to allow my son to realize that he is competent to make his own decisions, that he can own and handle the consequences (good or bad), and that he can move forward. If I take that freedom away from him, I essentially rob him of his individuality and confidence. When I attempt to control what he does or doesn’t do, I fight against him maturing into the man God has created Him to be.

I thank God for my son’s aversion to my controlling authority at times. I say “at times” because sometimes I want to yell because it ticks me off. But when I get settled down, I realize how I needed to be reminded to give him some space to experience things on his own. God uses what I see as rebellion, outright defiance, or disrespect to remind me to trust Him with my son.

I tear up as I write this because it is so true, but it is so hard. Trusting God when it comes to my son is one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. There have been times, especially when he was younger, that I jumped in and did not allow him to get hurt. One time he brought a poisonous snake up on the golf cart to show me…and it was STILL ALIVE. That was one of those times. But there are many other times that I want to do the same, when the consequences are not as potentially severe, and sometimes when they are.

Knowing when to jump in and when to say nothing is so hard I just cannot figure it out every time. I guess that’s one reason why God just wants me to trust Him. The difference between loving and controlling actions has to do with what is motivating me at the time. Faith leads to love. Fear leads to control. Whether I jump in or not, if the motivation is trusting in His love for me AND my son, then the actions that follow will be fruit of that faith, which is what my son really needs from me.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18, ESV)

I have been seeing and hearing a lot about the beauty of a woman lately. After years and years of identifying beauty as the unrealistic images of models we see in media, it seems some of us are trying to challenge the lies about what makes a woman beautiful. This is a good thing.

However, in this fight, I think we must remember how pervasive these lies are. Both men and women have been duped. Even in attempting to challenge the definition of beauty, I think we have unintentionally, at times, reinforced the idea that true beauty can be illustrated through certain shapes, sizes, and colors. Truthfully, beauty cannot be limited in such ways.

One of the saddest things I have noticed is that some of us perceive that a woman somehow loses, or diminishes, her beauty after childbirth. In attempts to reject the images they know they don’t resemble, I have witnessed some disregarding beauty altogether. When this happens, they are in bondage to the same lie a woman believes when she attempts to copy those same images.   

Saturday Night Live once did a mock-commercial for “Mom Jeans”. The slogan went something like this, “…you’re not a woman anymore…you’re a mom”. Although meant to be funny, this is actually a profound look at one of the most devious lies a mother faces. The Enemy has done an exceptional job of creating a false image of beauty and calling every woman on earth to the unattainable goal of being carved into that very image. Ladies, either you chase after it with everything you’ve got, or you do like the SNL commercial says and accept that you cannot attain it. Either way, you have bought into the lie because the focus is on that false image of beauty.

In order to break free, we desperately need the truth about beauty. This world may give hints at times, but it will never satisfy our longing for true beauty. And if we are focused on external sources showing us what that is, we are doomed to be in bondage to whatever lies Satan wants to pitch us through those very sources.

If we are truly created in the image of God, in each of us is a reflection of everything that He is. One of those characteristics is beauty:

“Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth.” (Psalm 50:2, ESV)

Therefore, in each woman there is an inherent beauty that flows from who God created her to be (who she truly is). If she doesn’t see it, or even if those around her fail to see it, that does not mean it’s not there. It only means that she, and possibly those around her, have been deceived. Perhaps she has learned to conceal that which she doesn’t even know she possesses. Regardless, if we could somehow choose to believe the truth that there is something beautiful in every person, even if they don’t, how might that change things? Instead of the images in a magazine or a commercial, we could choose to search inside of us and others for something that God has placed in each and every one of us. We don’t have to see the beauty to believe it is there and go after it. Not only do we desperately need to be able to see ourselves the way God sees us…we have a need to see others the way He sees them as well.

I was listening to this fairly new song by Lady Gaga recently. Yeah, yeah. Give me a hard time if you want to. This girl can sing though, that is for sure. And the lyrics to this song are real and interesting.

I live for the applause…
…(I) Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause

These lyrics are interesting to me because Lady Gaga is talking about something many of us do every day. In some way, shape, or form, many of us do things with the strict intent of getting the applause of others. That applause may not be a literal standing up and clapping of hands. It may be a “good job!”, some sort of reward, or a simple smile of approval from a loved one.

To get the applause, in the form we want it, we perform. This performance Lady Gaga mentions is in front of an audience, singing and dancing. For those of us with a much smaller “fan-base”, we perform in different ways. Some of us may work hard to stand out at work, stress ourselves out at home trying to keep it looking like something everyone will be pleased with, or put on a fake smile because people seem to like that. Others of us work out excessively, dress to impress, or purchase other items that stand out.

King Saul really struggled with this as well. Several times, he made decisions based on what people were doing or what they would think of him. In 1 Samuel 13, he offered a sacrifice against the will of God, partly because others were “scattering from him”. In 1 Samuel 18, Saul was jealous of David because the people in the kingdom were in awe of his achievements rather than Saul’s. There are several other examples as I read through his life of a detrimental focus on getting the applause, or acceptance, of others.

To gain a deeper understanding of Saul’s real problem, we have to look at his past…before he was king. When Samuel, a prophet sent by God to anoint Saul as king, began a conversation with Saul about his being chosen to be king, Saul’s response was, “Am I not a Benjaminite, from the least of the tribes of Israel? And is not my clan the humblest of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why then have you spoken to me in this way?” Saul’s view of himself is seen clearly here. He sees his identity as being one of the lowest in all of Israel. Despite being a tall, handsome man, he sees himself as inadequate. Later, when he is to be announced as king in front of everyone, he hides himself, out of this same belief that he is not good enough.

I think we can apply this same cycle to ourselves when we catch ourselves consumed with wanting the applause of others. When we obsess over getting the approval of others, deep down, somehow, we, like King Saul, are being driven by a lowly identity that yearns for proof that we are better than we think we are. We view ourselves as not quite good enough, not smart enough, not “put-together” enough, not talented enough, not pretty or handsome enough, or lacking some other important characteristic or trait that disqualifies us. Regardless of what particular self-view haunts us, many of us turn to others’ opinions as the antidote.

While King Saul never appeared to move past his negative self-view, we can learn from his experience. God saw something in Saul that he didn’t see in himself. God called him to be king. However, Saul held fast to his fleshly identity, not accepting the new identity God was offering. King Saul turned to people, trying to feel better about himself by pleasing them and getting their approval. It never worked. And it won’t work for us either. We must turn to our Heavenly Father to know who we truly are, and He is pleased with us when we trust Him.

Nothing in this world can solve our self-image problem. In Christ, there is new life, and with that, a new identity. In Christ, when God gazes at any one of us, he sees perfection. He sees someone He loves unconditionally, who He fully accepts, who is safe and secure in His hands, and who is deeply significant…with a unique purpose. In Him, there is no need for people’s applause to know we are all of those things and more.

While listening to a song this week by Derek Webb, I was struck by a powerful truth that has put me in a state of thought all week. In the song, “Wedding Dress”, these lyrics, that I have heard many times before, resonated with new meaning:

Because money cannot buy
A husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

Although we rarely think of Him in this way, Jesus is the perfect husband (or groom). In Scripture, He is described as the Groom, and His Church (His followers/believers/Christians) is referred to as His bride. Nothing deters Him from loving, protecting, and advocating for Her, among other things. When sin was in the way, He paid the ultimate price to get it out of the way…to secure the relationship He wanted with her (His bride…us!).

As a man, I am not perfect. I fail…a lot. In the Garden of Eden, Adam did not fight for and protect Eve when she was being tempted, and, I think we all (men) can relate to that kind of failure. If not, we need to get real with ourselves! However, where we all have failed, Jesus has come through for his bride in every way. Where Adam did not “stand in the gap” for Eve, Jesus does so for us constantly. We are tempted often. However, unlike Adam in that moment of passivity, Jesus is there fighting for us. His Truth is being spoken to us as we need it. He loves us, and He can be very kind and gentle. But He can also be ferocious in fighting for who He loves (see the book of Revelation). He takes His relationship with us seriously, even when we fail to do so.

As a man who is quite aware of my imperfections as a husband, father, son, brother, friend, co-worker, etc., my only hope in being the man God created me to be in those relationships is to trust the One who never fails us. Adam’s problem on that fateful day in the garden was not that he did not push himself hard enough to “step up and be a man”, it was that he had lost sight of the truths about His Father (God) that would have overpowered any fears he may have had…which inevitably led to him remaining silent while his wife was being deceived.

And although I realize I must tread carefully in addressing ladies when it comes to this truth about Christ (because I am obviously not a lady), I do not think it is out of bounds for me to state that trusting in any man to give you what only Christ can give you is going to lead to disappointment. Men are in a position that can ultimately reflect the image of the Perfect Husband, and, when we are walking in truth, we often are the conduit by which the Lord meets many of your needs. However, we are not, and can never be, the ultimate source of what you need.