2019 is setting and 2020 is on the horizon. With this comes a lot of reflection and forward thinking. This time of year is used by many as a time to look at what has worked, what hasn’t worked and to set goals for this new beginning. Social media and other media advertisements will be full of new ways to improve yourself and be better. Now, I am not going to use this post as a means of bashing goals or self-care at all. Instead, I am considering the important difference between rules verses guidelines. Continue reading “Looking Ahead at 2020”
Category: Life Coaching
What is Your Body Saying?
My day-to-day life can become very much a routine that I just autopilot through. I wake up when my alarm goes off, I eat meals at mealtime, and I go to bed around a certain time. I do not even really think about it. After such a long time of autopilot living, I think I have forgotten what some of these daily experiences feel like.
Our bodies are very smart and tells us many things. We might not always listen or even stop to recognize it though. Our limbs need oxygenated blood and our heart helps provide that. Our lungs need air and we breathe without even thinking about it. It amazes me when I stop and think about how our body was made and how it adjust to meet our current needs!
Being self-aware is not about being focused only on ourselves. It is about being open and curious with ourselves. It is knowing when our body is telling us to stop and rest. It is knowing when it’s telling us to get up and go. It is about asking ourselves questions about our body’s responses.
When is the last time you listened to your body and thought about how it communicates with you? I think after a while we forget what certain things feel like? One simple way to start is by sitting for just one minute and feeling your heartbeat. Where do you feel it? Is it felt in your throat, chest, your gut? Is it beating really fast? How does your body tell you to feed it? Not everyone experiences a stomach growl until they are famished! Sometimes it is can show up as poor concentration, feelings of weakness or irritability, or fatigue. Unless we pause, listen and ask ourselves some questions we may not know what is really happening.
Our physical bodies are affected by our thoughts, emotions, and choices and vice versa. Tapping into one leads to awareness of the others. All of this is affected in some way by how we view ourselves and God. I know from experience that there is grace to be offered and received in self-awareness. It is a beautiful place to listen to God’s whispers to you.
-Melissa
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Who Am I?
Sometimes I feel lost and don’t even know who I am. I catch myself trying to be like this successful person, that great writer or that great coach. Sometimes I don’t understand why I act the way I do or why God gave me certain traits. Why did I respond that way? Why can’t I just make a decision? Why did I get so angry? I also ask these same questions in my relationship with Neil. Why is he acting like that. Why didn’t he do this instead of that? Why does he want that?
If you’re like me and find yourself questioning who you or someone else is then I encourage you to read this old post that describes temperament. This tool has made a tremendous difference in my life and I am constantly going back to it to help me understand who I am.
We would love to provide this service to you and walk with you as you discover who God made you to be and how this looks in your everyday life. Feel free to reach out with any questions -Melissa
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All About Temperament
With the launch of our website, one of our hopes is to provide more information about what kind of services we offer. One of the tools we have been using for years now is something called the “Arno Profile System”, which is a particular kind of “Temperament Testing”. Here’s a short rundown on this optional, but valuable tool.
What is a “temperament”?
An easy way to view “temperament” is to envision it as describing a person’s needs, traits, strengths, and weaknesses. One cool thing about knowing your temperament is it will never change. We were born with a certain temperament, by God’s design, so no temperament is a “bad temperament”. Although temperament is not learned and never changes, life experiences can cause one to act out differently than someone with the same temperament. And, of course, the output of our temperament is vastly different when we are acting in sin versus walking by faith. The assessment is only one way of trying to identify and understand the intricacies of God’s workmanship in us, but we have found it very particularly accurate and enlightening for those we have shared it with.
Where did we get this “temperament” stuff and why do we use it?
A large part of our studies revolved around the “Arno Profile System” and being licensed to administer it. Dr. Richard Arno and Dr. Phyllis Arno developed this assessment to help Christian Counselors help others. We can be skeptical when we run across any counseling tool, and this assessment was no different. However, after administering it to a large number of family, friends, and clients, we have found it to be exceptionally helpful. We believe strongly in helping people identify “heart issues” and dealing with those, rather than simply teaching people how to work harder to behave better. The results of temperament assessment helps us and those we work with move towards that goal.
What have our past clients had to say about this?
Here are a few examples of the repeated feedback we have received from those who have completed the assessment and reviewed the results with me:
1) Better understanding of self, along with increased awareness of personal strengths and weaknesses
2) Better understanding of others (wife, child, parent, etc.)
3) Realization of the true cause of the issue with which the person has been struggling
4) Spurring of real, deep conversations between couples planning to marry or having been married for years
5) The realization that some personal tendencies, previously identified as flaws, are actually just misuses of wonderful gifts (traits) God has created in us
6) Learned about the true source of their tendencies, and found themselves learning how to turn “weaknesses” into a “strengths”
How much does this assessment cost?
At present, there is a charge for temperament testing. Please contact us for pricing, as it varies, depending on the situation. For group testing, we will make adjustments based on the number being tested. We do require at least one counseling session to present and explain the results. From our experience, we have seen that most people want more than one session for discussion.
How do I sign up for temperament testing?
Please click here if you think you may be interested in temperament testing for yourself, you and your spouse, pre-marital counseling, your small group at church, your family, or some other setting you might have in mind.
-Neil & Melissa
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What Exactly is Life Coaching…and Who is it For?
I was introduced to coaching through a small group setting. For several months we journeyed together and the process of self-discovery was life changing. I identified some areas of my life that were keeping me stuck and I wasn’t sure what exactly to do with them. After the small group coaching ended, I continued meeting with the coach individually. The coach listened to me. She asked some clarifying questions and helped me discover that one main reason I couldn’t move forward was because of a lie I was believing. I believed that I had to keep everyone happy and content or I was failing. It was all my responsibility. I could not move forward because guess who was deciding if everyone was happy or not? Me! And do you want to guess how I always perceived their response? You got it….I didn’t think they were happy and I never thought I did enough. If something wasn’t exactly right I blamed myself. Guess who really wasn’t happy? Me! The lies yelled at me and kept me stuck. I was only getting more and more frustrated. Through coaching, I was able to hear myself. I was able to see things more clearly and therefore, move forward. Do I still hear these lies and believe them at times? Yes, I certainly do, but now I am able to catch them. I am able to talk through them with someone I trust and stop the cycle.
The International Coach Federation (ICF) defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” Many times, it is looked at as counseling. While the two things do share some similarities, they are different. Coaching is not counseling. In coaching, the client is in the driver’s seat and the coach is along for the ride in the passenger seat. We look straight out the front window and have a goal in mind of where we are going. We get to know each other well as we prepare for the journey. We begin to trust each other as we look to see what is keeping us from starting our journey. This may be things such as lies we are believing about ourselves or unmet needs and expectations we have. It could also be hidden things in our lives that are keeping us stuck and in bondage. We also prepare for obstacles we may encounter along the way. We will have to make pit stops and refuel on this journey.
People seek out coaching because they are looking for growth and forward movement. It may be in a physical, spiritual, relational or emotional area of your life such as (but definitely not limited to) food/diet, exercise, goal setting, career choices, or understanding self or loved one. Coaching helps you discover what you need to go on your journey. As a Board Certified Coach, I help you create a vision for your journey and walk alongside you through it.
-Melissa
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