Category: Devotionals

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. (2 Corinthians 10:5-6, ESV)

In my previous post, I mentioned a “Part 2”. I plan to keep my word on that. However, in experiencing some things this past weekend and rereading that initial post, I realized a potential disconnect with those reading my blog. I want to address that here.

To understand the struggle with manipulation that I am sharing, it is important to understand something that is extremely important. I have many faults…many weaknesses…and I guarantee you that I could spend the rest of my life writing about and sharing on nothing else but those shortcomings. One shortcoming that God has worked diligently with me on since I was a teenager is honesty. My parents can attest to what I am about to share here: I was an expert liar during my teenage years.

Since then, truth has become vitally important to me. I spend a lot of my time trying to discern what’s right or wrong, fake or real, and true or untrue. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on my motivation. In the Scripture I have included above, Paul highlights the need for discernment, in EVERYTHING. Speeches we hear, books we read, music we sing and listen to, social interactions with others, exchanges in relationships…all of these can be passively accepted at face value. But this is dangerous.

When we turn off our minds and accept any and every thing that passes through our senses, we inevitably allow things that go against God’s Truth to enter our lives. I am going to borrow a good example of this from someone I have mentioned before, Derek Webb. He is a singer and songwriter. He admits his music has been labeled as “Christian Music”. The problem, he states, is that although he is a Christian, he is human. Sometimes, he knows he has written music and performed it with lyrics and/or actions that were contrary to God’s Truth. Although I have met Mr. Webb and trust the heart God has given him, I must remember that there will be times in which he falls short and offers something that is simply “not good and holy”, as he has said. The “Christian label” can be a false advertisement for something that suggests you are safe to shut down discernment and accept anything you hear as true. This is not just applicable to Mr. Webb and his music, of course, but with anything we consume.

Another example is myself. I have counseled people for around six years now. During that time, I have also had the wonderful opportunity to speak in several different Sunday School classrooms, preach to a few congregations, and even write on this blog. Although I know very well that I take all of those interactions seriously and deeply long to only present that which is true, I have messed up…more than a few times. Some of those interactions I would love to go back and scrap altogether now that God has shown me what I thought was true was not true at all. Sometimes He has shown me that my motivation was not love, which makes any truth just an aggravating noise to those around me.

A huge part of walking by Grace through Faith is aggressively comparing what we see, hear, and experience in other ways to what God says is true. When I fail to be actively developing a filter day by day with His truth, I make myself a target for deception. This comes, ultimately, from the Enemy, but he works through many people and things to accomplish his goal of manipulating us to buy into his lies. Often, those he works through do not even realize they have been a conduit for his attack. Anything that is manipulative is not truthful, so it does not come from God. He is as straight forward, honest, and true as one can be.

So, as I move forward with “Part 2” of my posts on manipulation, I want to keep things in perspective. Although I struggle with how I use it, discernment is vitally important. I believe it is something we have lost touch with as followers of Christ. Even when it is mentioned, it’s often misinterpreted as some “feeling” you get. It’s not. Discernment is based solely on truth. It’s a conscious choice we make, whether we are listening to a sermon or watching TV. As Paul states in 2 Corinthians 10:5, take every thought that crosses your mind captive, compare it to what God says, and then move forward in Truth. The Holy Spirit makes this possible, but we must exercise it.

I am not geared towards enjoying people telling me what to do. I have a tendency to rebel against authority, unless I deeply trust the one in charge. Historically, this can be seen clearly in my relationship with God and people. Sometimes people do not have the authority to enforce their will, so they simply try to cloak their efforts to get others to do what they want them to do (and get what they want). With my mindset, I am often compelled to have my guard up. That being said, I have a keen sense for manipulation.

Recently, I have been praying about and contemplating this great struggle I have with people I perceive as being users and manipulators. Throughout my journey with Christ, searching for truth that will set me free from this, if I am not careful I forget that I, too, fall into this category at times. There are circumstances in which I fall for the temptation to manipulate people to think I’m smart, to try to control my environment for some sense of false security, and to convince others to listen to my advice (this last one is a killer in counseling sessions!). So…I struggle with the same sinful behavior I see in others and hate so deeply.

There is a need to surrender my efforts to control others and my surroundings. In my case, the primary example of how I tend to manipulate is by doing everything I can to disallow the possibility of BEING manipulated (or controlled). This, of course, sometimes flows over into me trying to prevent those around me from being manipulated as well. Discernment is a wonderful thing to exercise, but living in fear of being manipulated is a whole other ballgame. It only leads to anger, anxiety, and a sense of hopelessness. When I am attempting to manipulate, regardless of my perceived motive, I have lost sight of the fact that I can trust God to be intimately involved in those matters, so I jump in the driver’s seat. And whether I’m the one manipulating, or if I am the one being manipulated, the end result is pain and suffering.

I obviously have more than just a healthy aversion to manipulation. However, manipulation is the primary tool of our Enemy (his lies are manipulative tools meant to destroy us), so we must not discount it as something to watch out for. It is dangerous, and we need to practice discernment in order to recognize it. God’s truth undoubtedly sets us free, so manipulation, being engulfed in lies, can only lead to bondage when we fall for it. I know I hate to see someone I love being manipulated. If I hate it, how much more must God hate to see those He loves being misled, used, and, ultimately, lured away from the truth that sets them free.

Personally, pondering that truth of how God views manipulative forces on this earth helps me to let go a little. If He actually loves me and those I love more than I can fathom, then, as His child, I can fully trust Him to work things together for good. That doesn’t mean that we won’t ever ignore His voice of truth when He is warning us and, inevitably, believe some of the lies being sold to us on a constant basis. However, He is much better equipped for the job than I am to reach out in truth and love to rescue me and those I love.

The fight is not necessarily “me vs the manipulative forces”, rather, the fight is to believe the truth so strongly that the manipulative forces lose their power. This goes back, of course, to my relationship with God through Christ, not how well I protect myself and those around me from manipulation. In fact, sometimes when I dish out truth, it is just noise to those around me. And I must not forget that, at times, I have my own struggle with manipulating others to get what I want. Perhaps I need to deal with this 2X4 in my own eye before trying to yank the splinter out of someone else’s.

I am very proud of my son. He is very much like me in some ways, and in other ways, he is very different than me. Where I am what they call “introverted”, he is very much “extroverted”. He loves people…just being around them, seeking out and making new friends, and enjoying them. Socializing simply energizes him. Although I do love and enjoy people, being introverted, I need my time away from people to be recharged. Socializing DOES NOT energize me like it does him. It’s just one of the differences between us that makes our relationship fun and interesting.

One thing we have in common is difficulty with authority. Being his father, this commonality can lead to conversations in which we understand each other and work towards solutions, but it can also lead to exactly the opposite when we do not see eye to eye. Of course, the latter situations are the most difficult to work through, but we do.

The most difficult thing for me is dealing with my fears as his father. I am fearful of what may happen to him in certain situations. I am fearful that he will be hurt, that he will fail at something, that he will miss opportunities, and if I am really honest, I fear that any of those things are a direct result of me being a failure.

Then comes the attempts to control, because that is what typically follows fear. I attempt to manipulate and control the situation so that what I fear does not occur. Unfortunately, when this switch is flipped…when control is turned on, loving actions are turned off. My focus has turned from what is best for my son to what is best for me to avoid what I fear. I admit, this is a thin line, because I fully believe there are times in which we must protect others (especially our children) from certain danger and harm. However, it is vastly important for me to allow my son to realize that he is competent to make his own decisions, that he can own and handle the consequences (good or bad), and that he can move forward. If I take that freedom away from him, I essentially rob him of his individuality and confidence. When I attempt to control what he does or doesn’t do, I fight against him maturing into the man God has created Him to be.

I thank God for my son’s aversion to my controlling authority at times. I say “at times” because sometimes I want to yell because it ticks me off. But when I get settled down, I realize how I needed to be reminded to give him some space to experience things on his own. God uses what I see as rebellion, outright defiance, or disrespect to remind me to trust Him with my son.

I tear up as I write this because it is so true, but it is so hard. Trusting God when it comes to my son is one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. There have been times, especially when he was younger, that I jumped in and did not allow him to get hurt. One time he brought a poisonous snake up on the golf cart to show me…and it was STILL ALIVE. That was one of those times. But there are many other times that I want to do the same, when the consequences are not as potentially severe, and sometimes when they are.

Knowing when to jump in and when to say nothing is so hard I just cannot figure it out every time. I guess that’s one reason why God just wants me to trust Him. The difference between loving and controlling actions has to do with what is motivating me at the time. Faith leads to love. Fear leads to control. Whether I jump in or not, if the motivation is trusting in His love for me AND my son, then the actions that follow will be fruit of that faith, which is what my son really needs from me.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18, ESV)

I have been seeing and hearing a lot about the beauty of a woman lately. After years and years of identifying beauty as the unrealistic images of models we see in media, it seems some of us are trying to challenge the lies about what makes a woman beautiful. This is a good thing.

However, in this fight, I think we must remember how pervasive these lies are. Both men and women have been duped. Even in attempting to challenge the definition of beauty, I think we have unintentionally, at times, reinforced the idea that true beauty can be illustrated through certain shapes, sizes, and colors. Truthfully, beauty cannot be limited in such ways.

One of the saddest things I have noticed is that some of us perceive that a woman somehow loses, or diminishes, her beauty after childbirth. In attempts to reject the images they know they don’t resemble, I have witnessed some disregarding beauty altogether. When this happens, they are in bondage to the same lie a woman believes when she attempts to copy those same images.   

Saturday Night Live once did a mock-commercial for “Mom Jeans”. The slogan went something like this, “…you’re not a woman anymore…you’re a mom”. Although meant to be funny, this is actually a profound look at one of the most devious lies a mother faces. The Enemy has done an exceptional job of creating a false image of beauty and calling every woman on earth to the unattainable goal of being carved into that very image. Ladies, either you chase after it with everything you’ve got, or you do like the SNL commercial says and accept that you cannot attain it. Either way, you have bought into the lie because the focus is on that false image of beauty.

In order to break free, we desperately need the truth about beauty. This world may give hints at times, but it will never satisfy our longing for true beauty. And if we are focused on external sources showing us what that is, we are doomed to be in bondage to whatever lies Satan wants to pitch us through those very sources.

If we are truly created in the image of God, in each of us is a reflection of everything that He is. One of those characteristics is beauty:

“Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth.” (Psalm 50:2, ESV)

Therefore, in each woman there is an inherent beauty that flows from who God created her to be (who she truly is). If she doesn’t see it, or even if those around her fail to see it, that does not mean it’s not there. It only means that she, and possibly those around her, have been deceived. Perhaps she has learned to conceal that which she doesn’t even know she possesses. Regardless, if we could somehow choose to believe the truth that there is something beautiful in every person, even if they don’t, how might that change things? Instead of the images in a magazine or a commercial, we could choose to search inside of us and others for something that God has placed in each and every one of us. We don’t have to see the beauty to believe it is there and go after it. Not only do we desperately need to be able to see ourselves the way God sees us…we have a need to see others the way He sees them as well.

I was listening to this fairly new song by Lady Gaga recently. Yeah, yeah. Give me a hard time if you want to. This girl can sing though, that is for sure. And the lyrics to this song are real and interesting.

I live for the applause…
…(I) Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause

These lyrics are interesting to me because Lady Gaga is talking about something many of us do every day. In some way, shape, or form, many of us do things with the strict intent of getting the applause of others. That applause may not be a literal standing up and clapping of hands. It may be a “good job!”, some sort of reward, or a simple smile of approval from a loved one.

To get the applause, in the form we want it, we perform. This performance Lady Gaga mentions is in front of an audience, singing and dancing. For those of us with a much smaller “fan-base”, we perform in different ways. Some of us may work hard to stand out at work, stress ourselves out at home trying to keep it looking like something everyone will be pleased with, or put on a fake smile because people seem to like that. Others of us work out excessively, dress to impress, or purchase other items that stand out.

King Saul really struggled with this as well. Several times, he made decisions based on what people were doing or what they would think of him. In 1 Samuel 13, he offered a sacrifice against the will of God, partly because others were “scattering from him”. In 1 Samuel 18, Saul was jealous of David because the people in the kingdom were in awe of his achievements rather than Saul’s. There are several other examples as I read through his life of a detrimental focus on getting the applause, or acceptance, of others.

To gain a deeper understanding of Saul’s real problem, we have to look at his past…before he was king. When Samuel, a prophet sent by God to anoint Saul as king, began a conversation with Saul about his being chosen to be king, Saul’s response was, “Am I not a Benjaminite, from the least of the tribes of Israel? And is not my clan the humblest of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why then have you spoken to me in this way?” Saul’s view of himself is seen clearly here. He sees his identity as being one of the lowest in all of Israel. Despite being a tall, handsome man, he sees himself as inadequate. Later, when he is to be announced as king in front of everyone, he hides himself, out of this same belief that he is not good enough.

I think we can apply this same cycle to ourselves when we catch ourselves consumed with wanting the applause of others. When we obsess over getting the approval of others, deep down, somehow, we, like King Saul, are being driven by a lowly identity that yearns for proof that we are better than we think we are. We view ourselves as not quite good enough, not smart enough, not “put-together” enough, not talented enough, not pretty or handsome enough, or lacking some other important characteristic or trait that disqualifies us. Regardless of what particular self-view haunts us, many of us turn to others’ opinions as the antidote.

While King Saul never appeared to move past his negative self-view, we can learn from his experience. God saw something in Saul that he didn’t see in himself. God called him to be king. However, Saul held fast to his fleshly identity, not accepting the new identity God was offering. King Saul turned to people, trying to feel better about himself by pleasing them and getting their approval. It never worked. And it won’t work for us either. We must turn to our Heavenly Father to know who we truly are, and He is pleased with us when we trust Him.

Nothing in this world can solve our self-image problem. In Christ, there is new life, and with that, a new identity. In Christ, when God gazes at any one of us, he sees perfection. He sees someone He loves unconditionally, who He fully accepts, who is safe and secure in His hands, and who is deeply significant…with a unique purpose. In Him, there is no need for people’s applause to know we are all of those things and more.

While listening to a song this week by Derek Webb, I was struck by a powerful truth that has put me in a state of thought all week. In the song, “Wedding Dress”, these lyrics, that I have heard many times before, resonated with new meaning:

Because money cannot buy
A husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

Although we rarely think of Him in this way, Jesus is the perfect husband (or groom). In Scripture, He is described as the Groom, and His Church (His followers/believers/Christians) is referred to as His bride. Nothing deters Him from loving, protecting, and advocating for Her, among other things. When sin was in the way, He paid the ultimate price to get it out of the way…to secure the relationship He wanted with her (His bride…us!).

As a man, I am not perfect. I fail…a lot. In the Garden of Eden, Adam did not fight for and protect Eve when she was being tempted, and, I think we all (men) can relate to that kind of failure. If not, we need to get real with ourselves! However, where we all have failed, Jesus has come through for his bride in every way. Where Adam did not “stand in the gap” for Eve, Jesus does so for us constantly. We are tempted often. However, unlike Adam in that moment of passivity, Jesus is there fighting for us. His Truth is being spoken to us as we need it. He loves us, and He can be very kind and gentle. But He can also be ferocious in fighting for who He loves (see the book of Revelation). He takes His relationship with us seriously, even when we fail to do so.

As a man who is quite aware of my imperfections as a husband, father, son, brother, friend, co-worker, etc., my only hope in being the man God created me to be in those relationships is to trust the One who never fails us. Adam’s problem on that fateful day in the garden was not that he did not push himself hard enough to “step up and be a man”, it was that he had lost sight of the truths about His Father (God) that would have overpowered any fears he may have had…which inevitably led to him remaining silent while his wife was being deceived.

And although I realize I must tread carefully in addressing ladies when it comes to this truth about Christ (because I am obviously not a lady), I do not think it is out of bounds for me to state that trusting in any man to give you what only Christ can give you is going to lead to disappointment. Men are in a position that can ultimately reflect the image of the Perfect Husband, and, when we are walking in truth, we often are the conduit by which the Lord meets many of your needs. However, we are not, and can never be, the ultimate source of what you need.

⁶ He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” ⁷ Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” ⁸ Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” ⁹ Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” ¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.” (John 13:6-10, ESV)

Approaching the time that He would be crucified, Jesus chose to wash His disciples feet at the last meal He was sharing with them. Peter, as usual, did not mind speaking up on how he felt and refused for Jesus to wash his feet. Once Jesus told him of the importance of being washed, Peter wanted much more than just his feet washed. However, Jesus further explained that Peter was already clean, except for his feet.

Trusting in Jesus is much more than just acknowledging that He has “paid for my sins”. Jesus’ death, burial, resurrection, and ascension to the Father is something that I personally identify with and enter into myself. Following Christ, the old me has been killed off and buried. The man God created me to be has been made fully alive. God has made me His son and a citizen of heaven. This was a permanent adoption, and I can rest in the fact that He will never turn away from me.

Walking through this life I will need my feet washed frequently due to the filth I get myself into. This will not always be a fun process but a necessary one. My behaviors will not always be in accordance to who I am in Christ because I often lose sight of this new identity. However, the overall ugliness that once separated me from God has been purged in a one-time washing that never needs to be repeated. In Christ, I am forgiven, a saint, a son of God, blessed, and loved unconditionally. 

During this time of year that we have chosen to focus on gratitude, I am very thankful for the truth that the washing that God provided through Jesus is eternal. I am thankful that I do not have to worry about slipping out of His hand at any point. I pray that I, as well as my readers, can rest in this truth despite the temptation to think we are too messed up at times for Him to love and accept us.

Good friends of ours were visiting us recently at our home. They had their little boy with them, who was entertaining us all. I watched him as he was interacting with his mother and father, which, for some reason, really caught my attention more than usual that evening. Then, all of a sudden, something bad happened in the football game we were watching on TV. “Dang it!” exclaimed the father. I believe I yelled out something as well. Then, without hesitation, “Dang it!”, exclaimed the son.

Now, before anyone gets carried away, this is not a post designed to guilt us parents into “being better role models”, so if that’s where your mind just went…please, reboot and then continue reading. Rather, this post is a simple appreciation of how our children tend to copy us and how this relates to us and our relationship with God.

Where does this come from? I know it’s a natural tendency…pretty much everyone knows that. Our kids want to be like us, and this is clearly seen when they are young. When our children came into this world, we, the parents, were the first and biggest thing in their lives. In a healthy parent-child relationship, that child learns that he or she is loved, accepted, and protected. In a not-so-healthy environment, a child may not learn those things, but he or she still yearns for those things to be true. A child almost intuitively wants to trust the ones in the parenting role. This inevitably leads to a desire to imitate those parents, even if it is something they do subconsciously.

Created in the image of God, this must have some relevance to our identity as children of His, but have we gotten this thing backwards? I have heard many times how I need to imitate Christ. I need to “do what Jesus would do”. This often times leaves me more frustrated than when I started. It should come as no surprise that I fail miserably time and time again. I am trying to imitate perfection, you know.

In watching the young man at my home a few nights ago, I noticed that no one had to ask him to repeat what his father had said. And this young man’s copying of his father’s behavior is not limited to comments about a football game. I have seen him copy both of his parents in awesome ways that any parent would be happy about. No one has to ask him to do those things either. He just does them, as I stated earlier, intuitively. A deep, and personal, relationship has been formed between this young one and his father (and his mother, too, of course). He trusts them, fully. He knows who they are and what they are willing to do for him. He has seen it. He has experienced it first-hand. Yes, he rebels, at times, as all children do, but he looks up to his parents and, deep down (even when he is being difficult), has a desire to please them.

I believe this to be the same with us and our Heavenly Father. We can never imitate the good behavior Jesus exemplified without first following in His footsteps regarding the trust He had in His Father in Heaven. Jesus was perfect, but by His image being displayed through that young man in the story above, I am seeing just how perfect He was in the role of a Son. He trusted His Father fully. He had an intimate relationship with God, and this led to Him doing the things His Father would do. No one had to remind Him to love others. No one had to tell Him to speak the truth. It came as a natural by-product of being God’s Son.

And so it goes with me. As I fall deeper and deeper into this relationship God initiated with me and know Him as a true Father-figure, I find myself doing the good things He plans for me. This is not to say that there is no effort behind the works. I have said it before, and I will say it again: walking by faith is difficult. There is a concerted effort, but the most effort goes into my trusting Him as that perfect Father that loves, accepts, and protects me no matter what.

And for those of us that are feeling guilty after reading the story I shared above about the father and son, remember this: we don’t become great parents by guilting ourselves over silly things like an angry comment at a ballgame, striving to do better, or putting on a good act. It’s foolish to think we can be perfect or even fool our kids into thinking we are. The best thing we can do as parents is to be honest about and pursue our own relationship with God. Our kids ARE watching, and it’s important for them to see a parent being a child in an authentic relationship with our Father.

I encourage you to follow the link below and either read the letter or watch the video:

http://www.fathersloveletter.com/

One morning, a couple of weeks ago, I woke up from a not-so-great night’s sleep. I went to bed a little later than I really needed to, and then I woke up a little earlier than I really wanted to. Oh well, no big deal, except for those that I live with. My patience runs thin and my filter is almost non-existent when I go without enough sleep. And if you think that’s bad, you should see me when I’m hungry!

It would be quite easy for me to blame my irritability (and the behavior that goes along with it) on lack of quality sleep. If that’s not enough, I could blame it on the fact that I had a stressful week at work. And if that doesn’t prove the point that it’s not really my fault, I will throw in that the weather has been less than ideal for me.

We often blame others for our own issues, but I know I often blame other things as well. Blaming others, circumstances, inanimate objects, or anything else prevents change. Blame gives me an excuse to act any way I want.

The fact is, insomnia did not make me snap at my wife that morning. On another day, being hungry and not being able to eat when I wanted did not make me act like a total jerk to the ones I was waiting on to go get something to eat. And, NO, the devil did NOT make me do any of that stuff, either.

Although it’s painful to admit this, my behavior always comes from what’s inside of me already. Many things in this world cause stress, but stress, at it’s worst, does not cause my behavior to be bad. The very worst it can do is reveal things I am trying my best to hide. Nothing removes a mask quicker than stress. For example, it becomes a lot harder to act nice to people when we are at our wit’s end. We lose the ability to hide our true feelings when we just don’t have any energy left to keep our masks on tight so nobody sees what’s underneath. And our true feelings, like behaviors, are evidence of something going on in our hearts, so it’s important to actually take a look at them.

Instead of making excuses, no matter how good they can seem sometimes, we are much better off to own our behavior and emotions. They are always evidence of something deep inside of us. For example, my anger (that’s really what it was) became apparent when lack of sleep brought it to a head. Acknowledging that it is coming from me, not lack of sleep or stress, helps me to take a look at why I am really angry. The answer to that question is usually surprising and completely unrelated to what I was blaming it on.

Taking personal responsibility for our actions allows us to acknowledge our own sin. This is part of repentance. It opens the door for God’s Grace to wash over us, revealing and healing the things in our hearts that need addressing. We take hold of this through faith, because it requires trust in the Lord to be responsible with our behavior. It’s scary to humble ourselves and let others see that we have messed up. It may lead to others making fun of us or pointing the finger of blame at us. It may lead to others being angry or upset at us. It could really set us back on our personal goals at the moment. Faith takes courage. It is scary, even terrifying at times, to exercise faith. It’s much easier to keep on hiding and blaming everything else. But it is more rewarding to be real. Blame is bondage, whether we blame people, places, or things.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:8-10, ESV)

In the long run, the freedom we experience when we are ourselves, good or bad, is awesome. Even when what’s revealed is bad, it forces us to actually deal with things we’ve been sweeping under the rug. Often times the path is rough before it gets better. However, it’s through this type of living that we are able to be who God created us to be.

We live in a world full of rules. At times, when we struggle with authority, this can be aggravating. At other times, rules can be comforting because they protect us. In a recent experience, I noticed myself hating the rules that were blocking my goal: I wanted my son to be allowed, with his teammates, to compete at the State 2A Cross-Country Championship. A rule, unfortunately misrepresented by officials, stood in the way. This angered me a great deal, and to be honest, I find myself still struggling at times as I work through the process of accepting that things did not turn out the way I planned.

We use rules for order, and they are necessary for that purpose. However, sometimes the rules become downright excessive. It’s almost ridiculous (perhaps it is at times) how many rules we have in society. We sometimes make rules on top of rules in an effort to cover all of our bases. It becomes a control issue. We try to prevent anything “bad” from happening with well-meaning rules, but they often wind up not working as we planned. More often than not, an increase in rules spurs more of a likelihood that people will try to break the rules. We are perpetual loop-hole seekers, or line-steppers (as Charlie Murphy once said).

Church-life is no different. Over time, just as the Pharisees did years ago, we have accumulated more and more rules. Do this, don’t do that. We fall for the misguided notion, like the rest of society that we live in, that more rules will lead to morality, making people behave. It just doesn’t work out that way. The harder we try to follow the rules, the more we miss the mark.

Our rules, of course, are just a faint, blurry reflection of God’s Law. God revealed His Law a long time ago to His people. Since then, we have attempted to add to it (and take away from it at times) in order to make it into something we can follow. The truth is, we can’t follow God’s Law, and we certainly can’t follow all the rules we’ve piled on top of it. The rules simply are not enough. They are not the answer. No matter how hard we try, we find over and over that we are incapable of keeping the Law. And our rules, although they are necessary to an extent and helpful, just don’t provide the protection and morality that we often hope they will.

What is missing with our rules? What is missing when we strive to follow God’s Law? Grace. When we are so stuck in our position regarding a rule, things that only Grace can grow in us (things like love, patience, and mercy) fall to the wayside. Jesus once said, “Which of you, having a son or an ox that has fallen into a well on the Sabbath day, will not immediately pull him out?” Although the obsessive rule-follower might say, we can’t break the rule of resting on the Sabbath, Grace screams out of love, “You’re son needs you! Help him out of the jam he is in!”.

Obviously, God’s Law regarding rest is important to follow, but there are times when other things become the priority. We only realize this when we are comfortably residing in His Grace. The Law is good, and rules can be good…but when Grace is absent, they are all a curse. When we are pushing ourselves to be good by “doing all the right things” and “not doing the wrong things”, we are missing Grace, which is the one thing that gifts us with what we really need. Relying on Christ’s fulfillment of the Law is the only way to fulfill it, not attempting to keep it ourselves. And mysteriously, when we truly follow Him, we are more apt to fall right in line with what the Law states. When we trust Him, we also love, forgive, work, rest, and worship the One who has freely given us His Grace.

And for me and my recent bad experience with rules and those enforcing them, Grace is the answer here as well for my anger and hurt. I must continue the fight to trust the One who is Sovereign. I must remind myself of the truth that He is greater than any decisions made by a human governing body. Not only that, but He is able to work far greater things out of a situation than any plan I could come up with, even when I felt so strongly that mine was the only way things could be made right. Fighting for my son and his teammates was an honor and a blessing, and I don’t regret it one bit. Now I must trust that One who is infinitely mightier than me has been, and is currently, fighting for them as they move forward after this difficult time in their lives.