Category: Devotionals

As a parent, I often find myself in situations in which I want so badly to fix something for my son. It is not pleasant to watch him struggle through things. Recently, he injured himself playing basketball and was sidelined from the sport he loves (track) for several weeks. It was painful knowing he was missing out on track meets he longed to participate in each week.

In that particular case, my son really did not have a choice. The injury was an accident. Sometimes our children, or others that we care about, make choices that really scare us. Sometimes the consequences of those choices are even scarier. What are we to do when we are in the middle of one of these scenarios?

Fix it. That’s right. That is the first instinct for most of us, I believe. Sometimes there is no easy fix, but we worry and devise plans to make things as easy as possible for the other person…to “help” them through whatever it is that’s going on. We often take on the responsibility to make things right, or whatever it is we think is right (sometimes we are clear on that, sometimes we are not). With the weight of responsibility comes feelings of guilt, and things just get worse from there. We begin blaming ourselves for whatever it is and sometimes get so fixated on it that we are paralyzed by it.

No matter how many times I travel that road of “fixing it”, it always starts out looking good at first. However, the road is always treacherous and it never leads to where I wanted it to go. So what’s a better choice? It’s important to notice that “fixing”, in and of itself, implies self-reliance and self-effort. It also implies that we know what the end result needs to be. No where in the process of trying to fix a problem for someone else is there room for trusting God to work things out according to His plan. There is an absence of faith in “fixing”.

So, the alternative to “fixing” is to venture down that road of faith. It may not look like much at first, because we tend to feel like since we are not necessarily scrambling and doing a lot of visible work, that we are on the wrong path. However, although faith is less about “doing” and more about “believing”, it is far from easy. Trusting any of God’s promises can prove to be a very difficult thing for us at any given moment in time.

So what might this look like? Let’s ponder, for a moment, how God deals with His children (us!). Despite the fact that God loves us perfectly as our Father, He surprisingly does not choose to fix everything for us. This does not sit well with us at times. However, one thing He always chooses to do is love us. He apparently knows that the most important thing during a crisis is for us is to be loved by Him. That love is more than enough. It is more important, even, than having our problems fixed for us. Trusting in this kind of love and offering it to others is crucial…and far more valuable than any fix we can muster up.

Not too long ago, my wife and I sat outside having one of our deep discussions. Somehow the topic moved to “Who in our lives do we really respect?”. It was an interesting thing for me to ponder. Having been let down more than once by others I had mistakenly put on a pedestal, I am cautious with whom I toss the word “respect” around.

I think we typically look to people we deem “successful”; having something we’d like to have ourselves. Our definition of “successful” may revolve around the accumulation of wealth, power, knowledge, prestige, or fame. I have noticed that we, in general, will even look up to people who simply have the appearance of success, regardless if there actually is any real-life evidence to support the existence of it (such as a person who is a good speaker, dresses stylishly, or has several followers on Twitter or Vine). 

Upon meditating about these things, I found myself gravitating towards thoughts of people in my life who are authentic; people who are not posing as something they are not. I guess seven years of ministering to people as a counselor has opened my eyes to the value of a real relationship, where both parties are not interested in trying to put up a front. Painful life situations are not fun, but they certainly provide ample opportunity to take up the courage to risk finding and being yourself, no matter what anyone thinks.

Ironically, people who are on the road towards authenticity often do not even respect themselves at times. They struggle through difficult times and think they are somehow a failure because they do not have it all together. Taking off the masks and being real is far from easy.

April Fools!

Just a little joke for April Fools’ Day. Those of you that know me know that I would never push a self-help approach to the Christian walk. Paul knew the foolishness of such an approach and discussed it with the Galatian believers…

O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. 2 Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? 5 Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith—6 just as Abraham “believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”?7 Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham.
Galatians 3:1-7 (ESV)

We are to walk by faith, not by striving to achieve better behavior. Working hard to be a better person did not get us into a relationship with God. God did that through us trusting in Christ, and that does not change once we become believers. We need Christ every step of the way like we need food and water to live. It continues to be through Faith that we can be the men and women He has created us to be. Without His Grace through Faith, I can no more take one step in the right direction as a follower of Christ than I could take one step towards God without Christ before He saved me.

Being raised in the South, manners were instilled in me from the beginning. I learned to say “Yes Ma’am”, “No Sir”, “Please”, and “Thank You”. I was taught to hold the door for ladies, to let them go first, and to walk on the side closest to the road when walking with a lady. I was encouraged to smile when meeting others. I even find myself putting down the toilet seat at work (my coworkers are mostly ladies).

Manners can be a good way to show others respect. Manners can communicate an attitude of friendliness, sending the message that someone else is welcome and/or appreciated. Being nice and respectful is a great thing, unless it comes from an insincere heart.

In a couple of previous posts, I have discussed how we all struggle with shame at points in our lives. Due to these shameful feelings, we have a drive to hide from others. We often find ways to hide (fig leaves, as I am calling them here) that are hard to pick up on. If we are going to hide, we might as well find a fig leaf that hides us well!

Like with anything that can be used for good purposes, manners, or “being nice” can also be used in a not-so-good way. We can hide behind a nice demeanor, a smile, and kind words. I know I have caught myself many times being nice to someone when everything in me is screaming something other than pleasant words. John Lynch, of www.truefaced.com, often says we like to tell others we’re “doing just fine!” when we are far from it.

The major problem with misplaced manners is that we fail to acknowledge to not only others, but to ourselves, that something is wrong. Using “niceness” in this way prevents us from addressing real issues that need to be dealt with. I caught myself many times as a counselor, pushing things aside in order to be pleasant with others. While some of that was necessary in order to put them first in counseling sessions, when I left work and went home without addressing the things I had put aside, I was a ticking time bomb.

So, today, I encourage each of my readers to examine your heart when it comes to the attitude you are portraying to others. Does it come from an authentic heart, or from a desire to hide what’s really going on inside of you? I encourage us all to take a step of faith, trusting that God will provide the strength we need when we choose to be real rather than fake our way through something. We all need healing, and healing comes when we acknowledge to our loving, Heavenly Father that we need treatment.

Have you ever known a message to be taken the wrong way? As most of us have realized at this point, media such as text and email lack the ability to properly convey tone and/or emotion. We say one thing, but our recipient reads something else altogether. If I send someone a question and the response is “nope”, depending on my state of mind, some questions may enter my mind. Why are they being short with me? Are they ticked off? What could I have done? Of course, the recipient may be upset with me about something, but there are other possibilities as well. Perhaps, for instance, he is very busy at work and only had time to type out a quick response.

I have found that we tend to do this with Scripture. Often, we make an assumption about the tone we think Paul, Moses, or even Jesus is using when we read verses from the Bible. One of the tones that we commonly assume Jesus is speaking with is sarcasm. I believe this comes from many of us being sarcastic ourselves, so we assume Jesus to be the same way! Sarcasm is condescending. It is also a good indicator of anger, so when we apply this tone to Jesus’ words, we view Jesus as constantly speaking angrily with a condescending voice to us. Jesus did not always speak gently, but He did not constantly speak out of anger or disgust either.

It is easy for us to assume God is constantly angry with us due to our imperfections. However, Scripture is clear that, through Christ, God fully accepts and forgives us. He is slow to anger and does not ever withhold one bit of His love from us. God is not anxiously waiting for opportunities to strike His children down with a lightning bolt…or with a witty, condescending comment. What would happen if we began taking just a moment to consider He may be speaking with a very different tone than what we first assumed when reading about Him?

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life…O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.(Matthew 6:25a,30b-34, ESV)

Worry is a common threat to our everyday wellbeing. Short term, it robs us of enjoying anything in the present. Long term, it can literally eat a hole in your stomach or even cause a heart attack or stroke. Not many days go by that we do not worry about something. Jesus knew this was an issue for us, so he addressed it.

In Matthew’s record of Jesus’ thoughts on worry, Jesus mentions specific things we worry about. He mentions things like food, water, and clothing. He doesn’t mention things we would simply like to have. He focuses on physical needs, and Jesus acknowledges that God knows we need those things. He knows we need other things as well, such as acceptance, love, and security. I can assume, anytime I worry, I have called into question God’s intention to meet a need that I have. I may have to dig a little bit into my thoughts to figure out which one (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Our lack of trusting Him to provide for our needs leads to us trying to figure out how to meet them ourselves, which is why Jesus lovingly points to the faith issue in Matthew 6:30. Worrying never gets us what we need. I have heard someone say it’s like a rocking chair: no matter how hard you work, it gets you no where. Even if we could answer all the “what if’s” (which is primarily what worry is all about), it still costs way more than it’s worth. God wants us to know the real issue behind it all. He wants us to know it all comes back to our relationship with Him.

Beyond knowing that God says He will meet our needs, we must experience the kind of love He has for us to trust that He will keep His word. When you believe wholeheartedly that someone loves you unconditionally, you trust their motives. You also trust that what they say, they have every intention of following through on. And when it comes to God, He has everything at His disposal to make sure His children have exactly what we need when we need it.

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:7-8, ESV)

Like Adam and Eve in the garden, we have all felt the urge to find some fig leaves to hide behind. When shame hits us, it is our first instinct. It can happen when we’ve done wrong, when someone’s hurt us, when we’ve been embarrassed, or when we see a weakness in ourselves. Eventually, it becomes second-nature…something we do without even realizing the source. We just, by habit, put on a mask to hide behind and go about our everyday lives hoping no one sees through it.

To walk by faith and not allow shame to control us, it’s good to do these three things: 1) identify our personal “fig leaves” (our masks or how we hide), 2) identify the reason why we hide behind those fig leaves, and 3) identify the truth that sets us free from them.

I sometimes use words as a fig leaf. Although any empty words will do, bigger words are better because they are easier to hide behind. When I can masterfully create a barrier with words, others do not see the real me. This fig leaf leads to getting bogged down in conversations that sound very intellectual but do not actually go very deep. Basically, true relationship with others loses out to things like “theological mumbo jumbo”. When this fig leaf is used, things said are not necessarily bad or untrue, but the chosen words just do not reveal the whole picture.

One reason I find myself hiding behind words is to prevent others from seeing painful emotions (guilt, shame, anger, etc.). The empty talk allows me to avoid revealing what’s really going on inside. The phrase, “fake it till you make it”, comes to mind. Unfortunately, “faking it” never turns into being real, dealing with inner struggles, and healing.

Another reason we hide is that there are things we do not like about ourselves. In my case, deep down I often see myself as “not good enough”. Although I know the truth in my head, I sometimes struggle with actually believing that God loves me and accepts me, no questions asked. I put the pressure on myself to earn what He gives freely through Christ. When I believe God is waiting for me to prove myself, I quickly grab the closest fig leaf to hide behind. He lovingly calls out to me often, encouraging me to trust Him and who He created me to be in Christ. By faith (taking Him at His word), I am able to step out from behind whatever bush I am hiding behind.

This was an important blog post for me, for two reasons. First, I think, as Christians, we often believe it’s best for others to only see how “well-put-together Jesus makes us”. However, that rarely points people to Christ. A person struggling and trusting Jesus is much more convincing of the Gospel than a know-it-all who “has it all together”, even when preaching the truth. The Gospel message relieves us of the pressure to have it all together, and points us to a savior to rely on every step of the way. He is the remedy for fig leaves.

Second, it is safe to say that some of you reading this have been exposed to my “fig leaf of words” at some point. I apologize to you. I pray that God will allow me to continue to experience His love in new ways so that what you see when you interact with me is more of Him and less of a fig leaf. Receiving His love is what is required for me to be the authentic man He created me to be, one who is free and does not mind getting out from behind the words. 

2 Corinthians 2:1-5
 
Ephesians 3:14-19

We all have experienced things we do not want others to know about us. It may be a past choice or event in our life. It may be a current real or perceived shortcoming. Shame is a real issue, and it leads to a desire to hide. We continually seek ways to conceal our source of shame from not only others, but ourselves as well. It’s a perpetual “bob and weave”. It’s amazing the things we can come up with to do this.

Adam and Eve put on fig leaves after eating of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Moses begged God to have someone else do the public speaking for him because he felt he was not adequate. Abraham told other men his beautiful wife was his sister, out of fear that he could not handle the situation if those men knew he was her husband and they decided to try to take her from him. King Saul had severely low self esteem, which led to many bad decisions based on trying to hide his weaknesses from others. King David did everything he could to hide the fact that he had gotten a married woman pregnant, including murdering her husband.

Shame is a consequence of sin. It can bring to light the fact that we have fallen short in some way. It brings out the need we have for restoration. When we hear the Gospel message that we have someone to rely on for that healing and renewing, we find hope and freedom. There is a remedy for shame in our Savior, Jesus. In Him, we are adopted as God’s children and become new creatures that we couldn’t become on our own.

In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me! (Psalm 31:1, ESV)

For His followers, we have access to that saving Grace every second of every day through faith. However, we often lose sight of who we are in Him; chosen, loved, forgiven, and saints. When we fail to rest in those truths, the feelings of shame return. It drains us. It holds us back. It leads to bad decisions. Ironically, although it’s good for pointing out our own sin, it can even confuse us into believing we are guilty for other people’s actions. To catch myself in this downward spiral, I must be willing to be honest about how I hide because it is the biggest evidence of shame. If I ignore it, the feelings of shame are only stored up, to fester and grow, until they burst out again and slam me face first into the ground.

I plan to spend some time over the next few weeks on this topic and blogging about some ways in which I have discovered myself hiding. As always, it’s vitally important for us to take a real look at how we can take steps of faith each and every day. Since shame is so often used as a vicious weapon by the Enemy against us, it’s important to examine what it looks like for us to win battles against it.

Years ago, I began facing what has proven to be the longest-lasting, most difficult struggle I have experienced. It began suddenly, so I was not prepared. There were no answers. The pervasive “why?” question that inevitably pops up in difficult circumstances had no response. Well, not one that really satisfied my longing for a full, detailed explanation, anyway.

I prayed for God to intervene. I searched for and tried out potential remedies along the way. When experiencing difficult circumstances, “remedies” can come in many different forms, depending on the person and what the struggle is. Whether it comes in the form of a self-help book, a hobby, a relationship, medicine, or something else entirely, when we are desperate, we tend to grab for whatever seems to work.

For me, occasionally, I would find something that would work. By “work”, I mean it would make me feel better. But soon I would be right back, faced with the issue once again. It was like a tease, only to be let down over and over again. These “fixes” are so appealing, they are blinding. Nothing else matters but getting that “fix”.

When we are hurting, scared, or simply longing for something, we simply want it fixed as quickly as possible. We want to avoid suffering for any period of time. When we can’t find an earthly solution, many times we apply the “squeaky wheel” theology. We figure God will eventually fix it for us if we hound him enough in prayer (the “squeaky wheel gets the oil”). But what about those times that we don’t get the answer we are looking for?

When God did not fix my problem, I was not at all happy about it. Not having it fixed meant more difficult times. Although there have been times that I have actually accepted my “thorn in the flesh”, that was not commonplace at first. There have been numerous instances of me expressing outright anger over what seemed to be His refusal to help me. There have been other times that I have rejected it and pleaded with God for it to be fixed.

Along the way, the Enemy has shown up, more times than not, in the “remedies” I have run across, deceptively promising to give me something God would not or even claiming to be Him giving me what I wanted. In my experience, quick fixes are full of false promises of reward, whether it be for legitimate needs (such as love, acceptance, security, and significance) or things like fame, popularity, financial gain, power, or even physical healing. They play on our emotions, and, although they do not often come as little wooden statues, they are very much idols we look to instead of the Lord.

God did not desire to fix my problem for me. That would have been the easy way out, but it would also be shallow and temporary. Instead of playing the role of Santa Claus and giving me what I wanted, God knew a battle was necessary to give me what I needed. No matter what it took, He wanted me free to be exactly who He created me to be. He knew I would never look to Him if I found the deceptive satisfaction in something else, so He allowed “the thorn” to do its job. It has acted much like a warning light on the dash of a car, indicating something is wrong when I am looking to something other than Him, the true source of everything I need.

Having experienced what it is like for God not to “fix it for me”, I have tasted a level of confidence that can only come through hardship. He has lovingly let me suffer in order to meet this need. I have more of an understanding of the confidence He has in His relationship with me. He knows I am His and He will not let me go. He has had confidence, the whole time, that I would persevere.

Instead of being spoiled by getting exactly what I wanted, the struggle has required that I trust Him even more to provide what I am truly seeking. You could say that it has helped to keep me out of trouble that arises from not walking closely with Him. Ironically, the thing I thought would certainly destroy me, has actually been a protective mechanism in my life.

Instead of arrogance taking over, I am humbled by the constant reminder that I can do nothing worthwhile on my own. God knew my family and the friends He would send my way needed a humble man, not an arrogant one. And not only that, but He has given me a connection with the other hurting people I am fortunate enough to get to know. If He had done what I begged for at times, I would have little to no understanding of what others are going through.

There have been, and will be times, that I lose sight of the truth regarding why God chose not to take away this “thorn”. During those times, something will falsely appear more satisfying than He is. I pray I will not fall for it, but if I do, I pray I quickly recall the truth and run to Him. While I am seeing these things clearly, I say without hesitation, “Thank you, Lord, for not fixing me”.

While it is wonderful to practice discernment in my life and to share that with others, when I find myself anxious, or even angry over it, I need to join God in examining my heart. God’s gift of discernment helps us to recognize anything that goes against His truth. It helps us to pick up on attempts to deceive us. However, discernment comes with a sense of peace, not fear. And that’s where I find myself often: fearful of what might happen if I do not put great effort into making sure I protect myself.

But what am I so afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen if I let down my guard? Immediately thoughts rush through my mind when I ask those two simple questions. “Neil, you will look like a fool! You will get hurt! It will be your fault when something goes wrong!” And that’s just a few of them. But it’s enough to begin seeing what I fear. I fear looking stupid. I fear being hurt. I also fear feeling guilty if things do not go as planned. All of these are things I want to avoid.

However, when I allow these fears to control me, I find myself being manipulative, trying to control things. I sometimes excessively plan out conversations I might have with others, analyze everything done and said around me, try to dig up more information on what’s going on around me so I am ready for anything, be silent as to avoid looking like I do not know something or accidentally “sharing too much”, and blacklist certain people. These behaviors prevent me from enjoying relationships because I am consumed with controlling them…all to protect myself. And I do all of this hard work that eventually proves unhelpful. Any control I think I have is flimsy, at best.

Ironically, my fears exist because I have already been successfully manipulated. When I fear looking stupid, somewhere deep down, I have believed the lie that I AM actually stupid, and I constantly try to prove to myself and others that I am not. Perhaps, I might think, God created me incompetent or that I simply cannot live up to what He wants me to. When I fear being hurt, I recall all the times that I have been hurt. I have a difficulty seeing how God was in the midst of those hard times. Then, believing the lie that relationships are just not worth the risk of more pain, I proceed to shut myself off to any possibility of being hurt, which also prevents any possibility of experiencing the benefits of relationships as well. And, finally, when I fear feeling guilty, I recall shame from my past and that shame says terrible things about me that I am tempted to believe. These things are contrary to the truth that I am not guilty in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) and that I do not have to live in shame.

To be free from this, to really let go of my own manipulation, I must recognize the core manipulation in my life, by the Enemy, is to get me to believe lies about God and myself. Satan began in the garden trying to dismantle our view of our Heavenly Father. He is successful, quite often, in doing this through a variety of ways. Does God truly love and accept me? Am I significant to Him and secure in Him? My real issue is misunderstanding who God is and what Jesus Christ accomplished and then answering “no” to any part of those questions. Once I embrace the truth, I recognize and renounce lies as they come my way. Only then do I feel safe enough to drop the manipulation, enjoy relationships, AND practice the gift of discernment in the way He intended it to be used.