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I am Like a Mockingbird

I have been really enjoying the red and blue birds that visit our backyard every day. They like to perch on the trampoline, fly around the yard and rest in the trees that line our property. Their vibrant red and blue color pops amongst the green foliage on the trees. They stand out. They display beauty just by being them. They are a beautiful part of nature’s story even though they do not blend in.

Sometimes a mockingbird is more attractive.

There is one bird that does things a little differently. The mockingbird mimics other birds’ songs and sounds. Sometimes I am more comfortable relating to the mockingbird. A singer/songwriter I love to listen to, Derek Webb, wrote a song entitled Mockingbird (check it out here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewoMYUtcJMI) . The chorus says this:

“And I’m like a mockingbird.

I’ve got no new song to sing.

And I’m like an amplifier.

I just tell you what I’ve heard.

Oh, I’m like a mockingbird.”

We think we have to be just like others.

There are a few different reasons that I connect to the mockingbird. Sometimes I just want others to like me! How better to achieve this than to try and be like them. I need to agree with them, like the same music, and be on the same bandwagon they are on. I forget who I am and just copy their song. Nothing makes me madder than when I realize I’m doing that! Usually I start to dread being with that person I am trying to win over. It takes a lot of work to try and sing someone else’s song. They don’t get to know the real me, therefore the relationship stays surface.

Sometimes I prefer you to just tell me the answers.

There are other times that I just get tired of questioning things. I am exhausted from all the effort I have put into trying to figure things out on my own. It becomes easier to just “tell you what I’ve heard like a mockingbird”. We see this everyday as we watch the news and then tell that same news as if we experienced it first-hand ourselves. Unfortunately, we also see this in religious settings. We hear a preacher tell us who God is and then we just repeat these words and develop an image of Him based on what we have heard. There is no questioning things or even trying to understand things. We just believe what we hear and see, repeat it, and move on.

We cling to rules to find the solution to our problems.

Another part of Derek Webb’s song says:

“And I’ll do all I can

To be a better man

Oh I’ll clean up this act

And be worse than when we started.

And I am like a mockingbird….”

How many times have we clung to another’s words thinking that was going to be the solution to our problems? If I can just “clean up my act” and be like that person over there then I’ll “be a better man.” I catch myself developing a list of rules that will modify my behavior. We let these rules control our diets, exercise, bible study, prayer, etc. To lose weight I can only eat certain foods and I must exercise for 30 minutes 5 times weekly. To become a better Christian I must read my bible for 30 minutes daily and pray for at least 15 minutes. This makes me laugh just to say it but this stuff does control our daily lives! Normally it is in my failure to keep these rules and lack of change in my life that I am able to see that “cleaning up my act” doesn’t work. Nothing in my heart has changed or even been acknowledged. I am worse now than when I started trying because now I can just add failure to my list of problems.

Grace changes everything.

God knows I do these things and that I will do them over and over again. He graciously keeps reminding me that I am loved just as I am. I do not always embrace it or believe it, especially when I’m being a mockingbird, but He continues to gently whisper truth to me. There are times, though, when I do embrace it and it is so freeing. My relationships change and grow deeper. I am able to let someone love me and that changes everything.

Are there ways that you relate to the mockingbird? Leave a comment below and we can talk more about it.

-Melissa

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What Is God Doing?

What is God doing in my life?

This is a question that I think we fail to ask ourselves enough. It is a simple inquiry, but if explored in depth and consistently, this question can ground us. It can provide hope. It can alleviate fears and anxiety. It can offer a sense of belonging and being loved by a God that is, in fact, very involved in our day-to-day lives.

I met a man when I first began serving others as a Christian counselor. I trained under him quite a bit. I remember he would ask this question frequently in counseling sessions, as I trained under him. “So, what is God doing in your life?!”, he would ask them. I picked up this question and, as I began seeing my own clients, I offered it to them as well. Some would immediately say, “Nothing”. Others would stop and think, but have a hard time deciding what in the world He WAS doing. A few would come up with words that sounded good but were generalizations that could apply to anyone. For instance, “God is watching over me.” There’s nothing personal about that kind of generic involvement!

What if He is ALWAYS up to something in our lives? What if He is constantly active in and around us, never stopping to take a break from us even when we’ve strayed far away from anything resembling fruit of the spirit?

God is relational.

According to Bill Thrall, “Grace is an environment we get to live in”. As a child of God, I am under grace, not law. He’s not just telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. He is very relational. My Father lavishes grace and love on me constantly. Being under grace means God is always up to something. He is massively involved in my life. It is because of desire that He does this, not obligation. I go to my day job out of obligation, so I quit working and go home as soon as I’ve met the obligatory hours. I am not “a job” to God. He is all about relationship. At any given point His involvement in my life may include listening, speaking, guiding, comforting, protecting, teaching, or anxiously and patiently waiting for me to surrender my own efforts to control my life.

God is motivated by love.

If I make myself truly embrace the truth that the aforementioned depiction of God is accurate and then ponder and possibly discuss with others “What is He doing in my life?”, the sometimes slow unraveling of the answer will present to me an unfolding reality that I desperately need to see and experience. If He is involved, then He is involved because He loves us. We are loved by Him, and we need that love to be real to us. Love does many things in our hearts, minds, and relationships, including the casting out of fears (1 John 4:18) and the covering of a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

God is intimately involved with us.

Being able to see that He is, indeed, involved in our lives may not give us all the answers we would like, but it can give us confidence, security, and direction. Perhaps the question leads us to see that He has things in His hands and is waiting for us to burn out our bondage- and anxiety-producing self-effort, so we can release things to Him and rest. Maybe through the question we discern that He is rooting for us to make a decision and trust Him with the outcome, so we are able to forsake the paralysis of analysis where we overanalyze our options to the point that we are stuck.

So, what is God doing in your life?

Perhaps the thought of the question produces anxiety for us. For some of us, it feels like just another thing to try to figure out. For others, we are scared to find out what He may be doing and what it may require of us. If “the question” produces fear, it is likely that we are failing to see Him for who He truly is. We may need to be reminded of some basic truths, such as the following:

He is personable, intimate, and involved (Psalm 139:1-18).
He is kind and compassionate. He is not “out to get us” or always looking to teach us a hard lesson (Psalm 103:8-14).
He accepts us and is filled with joy and love (Romans 15:7; Zephaniah 3:17).
He is warm and affectionate. He is not cold and distant like some of our earthly fathers have been. (Isaiah 40:11; Hosea 11:3-4).
He is pleased with me and wants to spend time with me (Hebrews 13:5; Jeremiah 31:20; Ezekiel 34:11-16).
He is patient and slow to anger (Exodus 34:6; 2 Peter 3:9).
He is loving, gentle, and protective of me (Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 42:3; Psalm 18:2).
He is trustworthy and wants to give me a full life. His will is good, perfect, and acceptable (Lamentations 3:22-23; John 10:10; Romans 12:1-2).
He is full of grace and mercy, and gives me freedom to fail. Failure never drives Him away from us. He just holds us even tighter in his unconditional love (Hebrew 4:15-16; Luke 15:11-16).
He is tenderhearted and forgiving. His heart and arms are always open to me (Psalm 130:1-4; Luke 15:17-24).
He is smiling when He thinks of me. He is proud of me. He calls me His child. (Romans 8:28-29; Hebrews 12:5-11; 2 Corinthians 7:4).

I realized years ago that the bulk of the anxiety I was experiencing at the time was from the fact that I didn’t believe God was doing anything in my life. With this false perception, I felt left to fend for myself. I had to do all the work and keep everything under control! If you would have asked me if I thought God was present, I would have known to tell you the correct answer. “Yes! Of course He is. He always is present.” However, my actions and emotional state revealed that deep in my heart, I did not embrace the truth of a Father who was immersed in my life, loving me, and relating to me in every way possible. If I had been trusting that God was actually doing something, I wouldn’t have felt the pressure to do it all myself!

So, in closing out this little thought process, I encourage you to take a long look at this question. Carry it with you for a while. Revisit it often. He is ALWAYS present and ALWAYS involved. He is ALWAYS doing something in your life. However, if we fail to make that a reality, we will act as if He isn’t!

From Broken to Beautiful

Sea glass is broken pieces of glass, turned and tossed in the ocean. It is carried to the shore by waves. It shines and glistens on the sand and is found by passers by. They are so excited about their find. It is such a beautiful gift.

Something that once was whole. Something that once was functional and used in some way to serve another became broken. Shattered. Its pieces scattered and beaten by the ocean. Tossed and tumbled.

It does not know that it is being transformed. It just happens. The transformation is breathtaking.

Jagged edges are now smooth. It has a new shape. It is no longer able to hold liquid or messages. It is no longer about how it can serve you. Now, after the transformation, it is about how it enters into a new relationship for pure enjoyment.

With each piece found there is a story. It once was a slave to one thing, how it could work for you. It had to become broken to embrace the smooth edges and beauty that it offered. Brokenness lead to a new type of relationship, a better one.

Sea glass is a beautiful reflection of our relationship with Jesus.

I was recently reading something from one of my favorite authors, Wayne Jacobsen, and he said, “I see him as a gracious Father, rescuing his children from brokenness and transforming us over time to take on his glory”. Jesus has transformed me. Like the sea glass, it just happened. It was not anything I did. Jesus does all the work even though I sometimes try really hard to help him out. I get uncomfortable when I think about another person doing something for me. I am more comfortable when the roles are reversed. I do not want that kind of attention and most importantly I want it done like I want it done! God’s gift to me is so beautiful and life changing but when I do not believe and embrace it I can get scared. Then I start trying to control my life. I have developed a list of life rules I must follow to keep things in order!

When I do not trust that Jesus has transformed me into a beautiful, new person that he wants a relationship of pure enjoyment with I start to get anxious. I get busy. I like to make to-do list. I catch myself being anxious when I realize I am adding to my to-do list once it gets down low. What will I do if there is available time? I must stay busy! Isn’t that my purpose? I start trying to become that before person that has to work hard and can only serve, like the sea glass before it was broken. There is no relationship there. There is only a master and a slave.

I can work and work but the striving leads to frustration. I know I cannot live up to the standards I have set for myself, even though I have told myself that these standards are things that Jesus expects. I cannot keep my life together and whole. I mess up frequently but I keep trying. Eventually I become worn down. I am tired but not sleeping well. I am “hungry” all the time. I have a very short fuse. That leads to frustration, anger, resentment, and the list goes on. My relationships are affected and I end up hurting others. My whole life is affected.

I can only try for so long. I eventually become broken. Tossed around in an emotional roller coaster. There are highs and lows. I hit hard ground and shatter.

Even though I do not always believe that Jesus is with me during those times, He is. He does not fight me or force me to stop striving. He loves me well and knows that eventually I will remember the truth. I cannot do life on my own no matter how hard I try. He does not even want me to. John 3:17 tells us that Jesus came to earth to save me. He makes my sharp edges smooth. He makes it where we can have a relationship of pure enjoyment. This happens because of Him. There is nothing for me to do except admit that I cannot do this alone. I surrender. It is no longer a master and slave relationship. It is not about what I can do and how I can serve. It is about how Jesus came to serve and love and transform.

Sea glass goes from being a useable vessel to being broken and then to being beautiful. It has a completely different definition now. It has a story behind its brokenness and transformation. We each have a story as well. Jesus completely changes our story. It is no longer about what we can do. It is about trusting in the transformation that takes us from broken to beautiful.

I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on your story. It continues every day and I pray that you are able to embrace the beauty of it.

-Melissa

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Don’t Do the Do’s and Don’ts

“For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power.” 1 Corinthians 15:56, NLT

“Rules and laws do nothing to change someone’s heart. Absolutely nothing…It is the love and grace of God through his spirit that transforms the human heart from the inside.” – The Fields Brothers

Is our focus primarily on trusting God to work in and through us? Or, with good intentions, are we focused on adhering to a list of do’s and don’ts? Honest answers to those questions may set us free today. All that is good flows from trusting God and who He says I am. Trusting my own efforts to handle my sin (or someone else’s) via dependence on rules and laws will derail me and put me in bondage. Only the grace of God can handle sin and its effects on us and others. Above all else, I pray we trust in His grace and love today.

– Neil

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Less Control. More Peace.

Less problems. More money. Less pain and sickness. A better job. More property. More connections. People doing what we want them to do. Subtle manipulative behaviors. Blatant manipulation. A sense of having control over our lives.

Peace. It cannot be bought, created, or found in any of the ways mentioned above. Temporary periods that are absent of quarrels and worry can be achieved through such means. However, lasting peace is available only through the absence of trying to control what happens to and around us. Surrendering our efforts to maintain control is a very scary thing.

Surrender is directly tied to trust. We only allow ourselves to be vulnerable to those we trust. Can God be trusted when we are faced with circumstances or relational issues that could lead to dire consequences? That’s the underlying, burning question when we face difficult times in our lives. Many people would balk at the idea that they might struggle to trust Him. Many of us have been taught that we should never doubt and always trust. “Fake it until you make it”, we are told. Therefore, we dismiss such possibilities because we are afraid to admit failure when it comes to trusting Him. But we do. Life is just too difficult for us not to face a wrestling match with our faith. Admitting our struggle is okay. God desires that we acknowledge it to ourselves, to Him, and to others that can walk with us through those times. Authenticity is crucial if we are to break free and experience peace. This step of faith is synonymous with humility.

It is impossible to surrender our self-efforts to control our lives without first considering what’s necessary for trust to ever take place. Trust is a product of being loved, but not just the idea of love…or knowing that I am loved. Trust is the product of love that is experienced as freely given in abundance when we don’t do a thing to earn it. If being loved is a reality for me, I will be prone to trust…to surrender control. Does my Father in Heaven love me? Truly love me? Unconditionally? Is He proud of me? Even though I mess up….a lot!? Is He concerned about my daily life…even those little things that seem to throw me completely off course? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. Our identity in Christ is founded on being loved. We are loved. He is trustworthy. As we embrace His love, we trust Him. As we trust Him, we live loved, free, and surrender control in favor of experiencing peace.

-Neil

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Just Look

In John 3:14-15, Jesus references an Old Testament story. According to the story, many were suffering and dying from snake bites. Moses, their leader, was told by God to lift a bronze snake up for all to look at. When they merely looked at the snake that Moses lifted up, they were cured. They didn’t have to work hard to please God so that He would cure them. Nope. All they had to do was look at a snake that was raised up on a stick. Jesus was using this story to illustrate his own crucifixion (He would be lifted up on a cross). Like the people fixed their gazes on the snake on a stick to be cured of poisonous snake bites, we must only look to Christ on the cross to be cured of sin. God doesn’t require us to follow the new faddish 10-step plan to “being a good Christian”, to get perfect attendance at a church building, or to work hard on cleaning up our lives to be set free by Him. Self-effort attempts at godliness always lead to failure. We need something more than behavior modification to be cured. Instead of self-righteous pursuits to change ourselves, He wants us to look to Him for everything: the cure for sin, the freedom to experience His love and to enjoy loving others, and for all our other needs. Trust (faith) is the ultimate message that Jesus shared passionately. It is always by grace through faith that we are saved, never by our efforts (Ephesians 2:8-10). When we are suffering, lost, angry, struggling, grieving, hurting, doubting, or trapped, He is tenderly calling for us to look to Him.

-Neil

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One Step at a Time

I want what I want and I want it now! That is the typical mentality I have when it comes to my dreams and desires. My inclination to be this way is encouraged by the world around me. Just take a minute to stop and look around. We have so much information that we are able to quickly access at all times. Our smart phones are usually in our pockets and with just a few clicks we have what we were looking for. We can quickly shop and have things delivered to our homes within a couple of days. Grocery stores and restaurants are around every corner so when we get hungry there is always a quick solution. We tend to expect the same fast response when we dream big. And not just a fast response but a detailed response that is exactly as we had dreamed of.

We are told in Psalm 119:105 that “(God’s) word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path”. The Message translation says it like this, “By your words I can see where I’m going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path”. A lamp provides light to a small area in front of us. It gives us enough light to see where we are taking our next step. How much more intimate is a relationship with someone that promises to be with you on each step rather than with someone that just goes ahead and shows you the ending and waits for you there? God wants us to trust that He is always with us. He wants to experience each step of the journey with us. Yes, he knows the ending. He knows where we are headed. His love for us is so great and so beyond our understanding that He also knows that the relationship He desires to have with us cannot be fulfilled through Him offering instant gratification. Instead, He wants to be a light for each step we take.

-Melissa

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It is Enough

“But for the present let us be satisfied with the blood, that it is there and that it is enough.” – Watchman Nee

It is easy to fall for the lie that there is something more for us to do than to trust God’s provision and love for us through Jesus Christ. We trust Jesus for salvation and then begin to think we need to get busy doing things for God to keep Him satisfied with us. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Gospel is good news because it is enough…period. We need nothing more than the blood to cover us to approach our Father in heaven, no matter how many times we fail. He wants us to keep coming back to Him, despite what our shame tries to tell us. He runs to meet us when we do! Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection is the one and only cure for all that ails us. NOTHING separates us from Him and the love He has for us as his children. NOTHING. It truly is unconditional, so let’s not water it down. I pray we do not let any false teachings or misunderstandings lead us to believe anything else but the fact that He is crazy about each and every one of us and, in Christ, He loves us no matter what.

-Neil

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Real Trust, Real Love

“Real trust only grows inside a relationship based on love.” – Wayne Jacobsen

Our relationships with God, our spouses, our children, our parents, and our friends all need the same foundation to thrive. To truly experience and enjoy our Father and each other, love must be an underlying theme in our relationships. All too often we engage guilt and fear, believing those will somehow give us what we want as we try to use them to manipulate those around us to do what we think they should do. We do it to ourselves as well, letting fear and guilt guide what we do and how we view ourselves, God, and others.

Nothing else can produce what love does. Love generates trust. Trust opens the door to freedom, forgiveness, healing, and budding relationships that we can enjoy rather than simply work hard to control. Trust cannot be grown in any context other than genuine love.

-Neil

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Community

It is possible to be part of a community but not truly be IN community. In other words, being considered part of a group doesn’t necessarily result in meaningful relationships. Any group can be full of surface relationships that amount to no more than mere acquaintances, more closely resembling strangers passing on the street than friendship.

Friendships, like what Jesus encouraged and demonstrated, were intimate and open. They were based on trusting God to move. They were not forced out of obligation. They were initiated and grown in love for each other. They were not based on policing each other’s behaviors. They were not focused on fixing each other. They were full of grace. They were not orchestrated as part of some program. They were freely initiated and pursued out of a desire to know and support each other. They were not confined to a specific denomination or some other specified group of people. They were open to anyone, regardless of any label society wanted to put on them. They “happened” as Jesus traveled and spoke with his disciples and others over a three year period.

Authentic relationships, like the ones God desires for us to thrive in, are cultivated over time as God brings us together with the right people. These relationships grow as we risk opening ourselves up to each other in hopes of getting the opportunity to share love in true community. We mustn’t think and act the same, or even have all of the same theological beliefs, in order to experience and thrive in relationships with each other. Love is the key. God can sort out all the rest…and He does.

-Neil

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