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…a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10, ESV)

I have heard this passage from 2 Corinthians mentioned, preached, and taught many times in my life. The irony of a weakness somehow being a strength has always been thought provoking. This past week, a couple of things have happened that have shed new light on this for me. Without going into too much detail about how God broadened my personal understanding of these words from Paul, I want to share my thoughts here.

For a long time, I have seen how my tendency to analyze things has been both a weakness and a strength at times. Obviously, analyzing things often leads to stress and missed opportunities to enjoy things in the moment (weakness). However, the drive to dive deeper into things pays dividends as well (strength). Additionally, when I rely heavily upon figuring things out, I am dependent upon God to ultimately come through for me. My desire to figure things out leads me to Him because I eventually find out that I cannot figure things out on my own.

If you’ll notice, I have looked at this oxymoron of weaknesses being strengths only in the context of how it affects me alone. I have always been so self-focused when thinking of the verses above, I have never thought much about how they apply in relationships. God is helping me out of this box in which I have been.

In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 (I’ll paraphrase instead of posting all those verses here), Paul speaks about the Church being the body of Christ, having many different parts. As members of this body, we all work together, but we all have different jobs. None are more important than the other, although, sometimes we may incorrectly view one job as of lesser importance. Though we may doubt a person’s role, maybe even our own, at times, we are all intimately woven together as Christ’s body. It’s really ridiculous to try to separate any one of us from the rest. I know we may tie this in with what this looks like in a “church setting”, but that’s not what I am talking about here. I am speaking much more specifically about each of our roles in the whole body of Christ, not just the local church. To minimize any of our roles to only one setting would be missing the much bigger picture of which we are a part.

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:22 that “the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable”. God made it clear to me through experience recently that mine and others’ weaknesses can be transformed into strengths when we share them with each other. I may think that when I offer my, often seemingly crazy, thoughts in a conversation that it gets us off topic, but God may choose to use that to get us on a more important topic at the time by addressing a particular issue with which someone else is struggling. On the flip side of this, when others play to their weaknesses, these can be strengths for me if I will allow them to be. A good example are people in my life who are spontaneous and really live in the moment. Although these tendencies may be weaknesses for them at times, when I allow myself to let down my guard in their presence, God uses these people to give me some freedom when I go too far with my over-thinking things. I am then free to enjoy things and not be so caught up in analyzing everything to death. Although I dearly love my friends that share in my desire to have deep conversations about things, I also need those that are different than me so God can use them to lighten me up! Life cannot be ALL about being in deep thought all the time and trying to figure things out. As much as I love it, it can be depressing! Solomon knows what I’m talking about (Ecclesiastes 1:18).

I know in relationships, we often complain about what we perceive as our own or the other person’s weaknesses. Perhaps we should open ourselves up to the possibility that God could work through that perceived weakness in our lives. Instead of rolling our eyes when someone makes a silly joke, maybe we could laugh along and enjoy the moment being lightened up. Instead of being mad at the overly serious dude in the group, perhaps we should listen for any gold nuggets of truth he may have to offer. Ladies, rather than beating yourselves up over not being the perfect “Proverbs 31 woman”, you could make it a point to begin seeking from God your own personal identity (the lady He created YOU to be), and what it looks like to just be yourself with others, with all your weaknesses and strengths. Men, instead of complaining about how our wives aren’t affectionate enough, maybe we could see it as an invitation to ignite that God-given masculine trait of pursuing our wives more fervently.

God likes to work this way. It highlights the One who deserves all the honor and glory. It also reveals the truth that we all are important to Him. He loves to work with us, through us, between us, and interestingly enough, He doesn’t require us to be perfect. He actually is thrilled to work through our weaknesses.   

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when there is a log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-5, ESV)

“Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.” (Romans 2:1, ESV)

One of the hardest things in the world to do is to take an honest look at ourselves and admit what we see. It is so much easier to look at others and proclaim what we perceive about them. We are sinfully inclined to want to place the blame on others. Jesus knew this about us, and, therefore, pointed this out to us in Matthew 7. He also pointed out a good reason not to get so focused on others’ issues: we mess up equally as bad as them (Romans 2:1). 

Now…to practice what I am saying here…

Even as I write this, I am tempted to throw out five or six examples of how I see others avoiding responsibility for their own stuff by pointing the finger at someone else. It is so much easier for me to use my ability to analyze things and find mistakes in others. I can nit-pick all day long. However, to do this, I am shrugging off personal responsibility myself. I’m being a hypocrite because I am acting like I have nothing to deal with on my own when I do (Matthew 7:5).

The truth is, I have a lot of imperfections. I mess up all the time. Not only that, sometimes my bad actions come intentionally. When I went into full-time ministry several years ago, the pressure to “look the part of a Christian” came on full force. I have had many fellow Believers tell me they, too, feel pressured to “be a good witness”. In an attempt to do this, many times, I will try to cover up my imperfections. This is the worst thing I can do. Not only am I trying to hide it from others, but from God as well (which is ridiculous, but this is what I do although I know better). Hidden sin is undealt-with sin because I cannot resolve my own sin. The best I can do is strive harder to do better, which I always have and always will fail at (Romans 3:20 shows the only thing that comes from this is more knowledge of my own sin that I cannot resolve). The Gospel explicitly states that I must go to Christ for help with my sin. That requires faith, and faith is not seen in hiding, or trying to look or even do better. For me, it is about being honest with God, myself, and others. When I ponder the connections I have made with some of those I have counseled over the past four years, I realize when I have connected and when I have not. Honest examples of personal issues that God covers in His Grace through Christ have turned out to be a great witness to others. Those examples always point to Christ. Blown up examples of “purity” that I have achieved have been turn-offs because no one can connect with them because they are not honest and real. They do not point to Christ, but to self-effort. Who can connect with a guy who only gives examples of how he gets things right?

Another sneaky way I avoid looking at my own heart is by saying others are judging me by pointing out something I have done wrong. While I may be right in my assessment of the one judging, that, in no way, absolves me of guilt of my own sin. They may be right in what they are seeing in me or they may be wrong, but I have judged others just as they are judging me. So, we are both guilty of the same sin.

In the end, its all about the Gospel: walking by Grace through Faith. To receive God’s Grace, I must trust that Christ is far bigger than any of my mess-ups. He is more than capable of healing my greatest wounds. He is greater than what people may think of me. His love truly is unconditional, not requiring me to do more good things and less bad things. As these truths become reality through experiences with actively trusting Him step by step, it becomes easier to face my sin instead of trying to hide behind others’ sins. At that point, I am capable through Christ of not only receiving God’s Grace by Faith, but in offering it to others as well.

“And he went throughout all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction among the people. So his fame spread throughout all Syria, and they brought him all the sick, those afflicted with various diseases and pains, those oppressed by demons, epileptics, and paralytics, and he healed them. And great crowds followed him from Galilee and the Decapolis, and from Jerusalem and Judea, and from beyond the Jordan.” (Matthew 4:23-25, ESV)

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to someone teach from Matthew 5 about the Beatitudes, and the subject about the crowds that followed Jesus came up. The question was posed: “Why did such a large number of people crowd together to listen to him?” This was discussed quite a bit, but it has left me asking the same question of myself. Why, exactly, do I follow Him? For those that call ourselves Christians, this may sound like a ridiculous thing to question. Jesus is the Son of God, our Lord and Savior. He is the One who laid down His life to save the ones He loves. However, I am not hanging on this question because of a lack of knowledge of who He is, but because I have caught myself “following Him” for different reasons at different times. Is this good or bad? I’m not sure yet…maybe some of both. Let’s see if I can come to any conclusions as I keep thinking and typing out of my heart here.

The first, obvious, area that came to mind for me to look into: my sometimes seemingly insatiable desire to know things. For those of you who have read other posts on this blog, you know that I tend to struggle with basing my identity on what I know. I make head knowledge too important at times. With this being a consistent thing that pops up from time to time with me, it’s not a stretch to see that I sometimes follow Jesus to gather more knowledge. I’m convinced some of the crowds that followed Jesus in Matthew 4 did the same. Curiosity drew them in. I can see myself doing the same. I mean, who wants to be in the minority and not know what’s going on with the famous guy that’s traveling around speaking of sometimes mysterious and always enlightening things? If I fell into that group, I would wind up looking stupid or uncool, or both. 

Now that I know this happens with me, I must go a little deeper and look at my motivations for wanting to know things pertaining to Jesus. My motivation will determine whether my “following” Him in this way is taking me closer to Him or not. If I simply only want to know more about Him, that’s a red flag for me. More head knowledge does not necessarily translate to a change of heart. I can know that Jesus loved me, but if I don’t experience that love as a reality in my life, it is nothing but a cold fact that I know (and can share with others, ironically). I can know more about Him and allow what I know (or think I know) to “puff me up”. Arrogance is certainly not listed in the examples of fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5 or Colossians 3, so this reason for following Jesus falls short of producing evidence that I am drawing closer to Him.

Another way I have seen myself “following Jesus” for a reason that does not produce fruit is when I pressure myself to “do a daily devotion”. Instead of really seeking to know Him and who I am in Him, I wind up with temporarily fighting back the guilt I feel if I don’t do the devotion. In church, we often feel guilt when we look around and think everyone else is “doing what they are supposed to do” and we are not. If my “following Him” is only to alleviate guilt, it will never be satisfying because I’m not really following Him…I’m attempting to run away from feeling guilty.

I could list many other reasons to follow Christ and discuss each one of them, but, again, I want to keep my posts as short as possible, so I will move on to an important question to ponder after examining my heart for why I am following Him at any given moment in my life: “What do I do when I catch myself following Him in a way that really isn’t following in the sense the Jesus meant it when He encouraged Peter to in John 21:19?”. I always start an answer to a question like that with something like this: I cannot fix myself. In other words, I must first apply the Gospel of Jesus Christ to myself once again. I can never run to the cross too much. As Christians, we need to visit there often. I cannot do anything to make myself sin less or do more good things. The power to do those things comes from Christ alone. When I have fooled myself into thinking I am following Christ with a pure heart, the answer is to follow Christ by throwing myself down at His feet and asking Him for help, acknowledging to myself that He is what I need…not mere facts that I can get from Him.

I really enjoyed writing about this and encourage anyone reading this to share your own examples, if you would like, of why you might be “following Christ” at times. I know there are many many more that I did not talk about here.

Sometimes I just feel blank. I don’t feel bad, I don’t feel great. I’m somewhere in between, but it’s not a comfortable place. I avoid deep thoughts and deep conversations with others. I just skim the surface. I’m definitely not myself when I’m like this. Maybe I’m just tired. That’s definitely a plausible explanation. But when rest doesn’t seem to help, there’s got to be more to it. There seems to be a shift from time to time. It’s not all blankness. It begins with some anxiety, which lasts for a while, then I wind up leveling out into this “numbness” again.

I tend to throw myself into things that I believe in 100%. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but there is a downside for sure: blinders. While I’m focused on something that may be important, I overlook people and things close to me that are equally, if not more, important. Perhaps part of the “blankness” comes from the walls I create between myself and those things and people that I have neglected. Maybe a piece of the anxiety puzzle is the uncertainty of what will happen when I am not actively engaged in those things due to the blinders. With blinders on, I even forget the things that I enjoy doing aside from that one thing that I have thrown myself into. This may sound silly, but it’s a good example: I used to love video games. They were a cool way to relax and enjoy time with my friends. Long ago, I put this hobby aside to pursue other things. I told myself those things were more important. I now find myself wondering what hobbies might interest me, but I don’t take time to pursue them. I’ve just lost interest. In many ways, I’ve forsaken taking time to chill out and enjoy things. I’m too dang busy with being sold out to one thing.

I began to really take notice of this recently, when I came back from our beach vacation. Did I enjoy it? Yeah, but I still did not allow myself to truly let go. So I came back somewhat rejuvenated, but nothing like I could have. This past weekend, I had another reminder when I snapped (some anger came out) when I was around friends who were enjoying themselves and I couldn’t seem to join in (once again, I apologize to those friends!….You know who you are.).

I’m not sure if any of this resonates with those of you who read this, but I committed myself to share my heart on here, so that’s what I’m doing. All of this reeks of a “control issue” for me. In tune with the theme of this blog, this leaves me to ask the question, what does faith look like for me right now? I think part of the answer lies in letting go of control in any possible way that I can. It doesn’t really matter how I do it. Any time that I take a step away from trying to control (or manipulate) something in my life, I have the opportunity with God to taste some freedom. In moments like this, I anticipate being able to enjoy something or someone. Control numbs me to the point that everything does feel blank. I must let go of it. This one thing that I have prioritized in my life may need to take a backseat to other things. I must forcibly remove the blinders. My identity needn’t be wrapped up in one thing, unless that one thing is Christ. 

There are many wonderful things about being in a relationship. For one, in the context of true relationship you can mess up and know that everything will be alright. That is certainly the case with Christ. You’re safe because there is grace. It’s awesome when we can experience this with others as well, knowing you don’t have to be perfect to be accepted and allowing others to mess up as well. And, to our surprise many times, knowing there is Grace for imperfection will not spur taking advantage of it. Lack of love and selfishness do that. To be blunt, lack of true relationship does that. Hurting the one you truly love hurts you as well. Of course, if it doesn’t, we need to examine our hearts because we are merely posing when we say we are engaged in a true relationship.

We tend to label things and then move forward as if our label is accurate, even if there is no evidence to prove it is accurate. For instance, many of us will assign the words “I love you” to how we feel about someone else, but if we were pressed to show evidence to prove those words, we would come up lacking. We often want something in return, and if we do not get it, we are angry. Our words, “I love you”, come up empty when we understand what love really is (unselfish, unconditional, patient, etc.). Another example is saying “I am sorry”. There is a huge difference between this and true repentance. Repentance is backed up by consistent action…the words “I’m sorry” often is not. It can be the same with how we label our relationships. I can biologically be a “father”, but not display behavioral evidence that exemplifies what a father is. I can be a “brother”, but not act like one. I can be a “husband” legally, on paper, but not actually be a husband in my heart (and therefore not in my actions either).

In looking at my own relationships with others and noticing that sometimes my actions do not match what I claim to be, I think it would be good to take the time to examine this. It requires that I be really honest with myself. I must look to God’s Truth in Scripture to define the labels I have assigned to myself regarding others. What does God really say a “husband”, “father”, “brother”, “son”, and “friend” looks like? I need to know what He says and challenge it against what I am actually doing. His Truth will reveal what I need to see (my heart). Perhaps I will find that I am ignorant to some things and simply need new knowledge. Perhaps I will find that I have been deceived into thinking I was something when I really was not. Perhaps I will find that I am just being mean and selfish. Regardless of what I find, the issue behind why I am not engaging a relationship with love and grace will only be resolved by engaging my relationship with God first. By His Grace alone will I be able to be who He created me to be with others. I need to engage what it means to be His “son”, His “coworker”, His “chosen”, and His “loved one”. I must not only know, but hold fast to my identity in Christ in order to live it out with others. 

As a counselor, I take the act of reading God’s Word seriously. Now, don’t take this to mean that I never have periods of time that I don’t delve into it on a regular basis. I’m not going into a guilt-ridden post here to try to make me or anyone reading this strive for more “devotional time”. However, I know how important it is to look at the Word for myself and see what God is saying to me through it. This certainly helps a great deal in sharing God’s Truth with others. The problem is, when I look at myself to see how the Truth I know is being manifested in my behaviors and feelings, it is simply not there at times. One of the main issues is that the Truth gets stuck in my head and doesn’t make its way down to my heart. In other words, to put it more bluntly…I often don’t truly believe the facts that I know. If I don’t believe something, even if I know in my head that it is true, I will not live as if it is true. Then that Truth is really of no value to me whatsoever.

When I think back to my time in school, from Kindergarten on up, I can recall many times that I studied for exams that I really didn’t see much need in holding onto the information after I was done taking the test. I only memorized and understood the information that was going to be on the test enough to do well on the test at the time. Yeah, there were times that I knew the information would be important for me to carry over to another class or my future as an accountant and counselor, but there were many times that I just didn’t see information for certain tests as applicable to me and my present or future. The problem was certainly not with the teachers that took the time to teach me. You could say I just didn’t treasure some of the things I was taught.

I sometimes treat the Bible the same as I did some of what I learned in school. God’s Word is Truth. That means when I read something from His Word, what I read ARE facts, but The Word is not just cool inspirational stories and rules. Jesus Christ referred to Himself as the Truth, so Truth has a lot to do with a warm, loving, real relationship, not just cold hard facts to know. Having this kind of relationship with God is an awesome thing, therefore, God’s Truth is a treasure.

In Ephesians 2:8, which is part of the Scripture passage from which I got the title for this blog, Paul says that we are saved through faith. In looking up the meaning of the original Greek word used here, I found these definitions were offered (among others) to describe what Paul was getting at when he was talking about faith: belief in the truth, reality, and firm persuasion. Therefore, faith definitely has something to do with knowing the truth and believing it. I must be firmly persuaded that what God says is true…to the point that it is reality for me. That means I live it. Here’s where I get tripped up again, many times. I can coldly go about trying to mimic what I read in the Bible (doing good works, staying away from sins, trying not to repeat the mistakes of people in the Bible, etc.) But living by Grace through Faith requires me to live in the Truth with RELATIONSHIP being the foundation. That’s what causes us to treasure it.

When I read Paul’s words “pray without ceasing” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, I think back to what I learned from the author, Henri Nouwen, when he asserted that praying like this means living in reality instead of illusion (living according to the lies that Satan wants us to believe about ourselves, God, and others). Praying means I am interacted with God through Christ…talking to Him as if He is really there listening because He IS really there listening, then deliberately listening for Him, watching for Him, including Him in big and little things that I am going through, asking Him questions, getting angry with Him, accepting His discipline, and taking His Truth and applying it in order to experience more of Him. Only He can validate His Truth for me by taking it from my head to my heart, and this happens through life experiences. I experience Him as I interact with Him by living as if what He says is actually true. I have to push myself to get away from the head knowledge trap.

Perhaps the easiest way to begin to attack this issue is to do what Paul did with the Corinthians. In 1 Corinthians 2:2, Paul said, “For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” Paul refused to use all the knowledge and the ability to speak eloquently. He made a conscience decision to live out the Truth by not relying on his own abilities and knowledge, but to rely solely on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He goes on to say that he did this “in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling”. This was not comfortable for Paul. He put himself in a position where God had to come through for him and for the people he was speaking to. He put himself in a position where he actively trusted God. In other words, He put action to his faith.

I’ve done this before, but how easily I can forget what it was like by getting complacent. Years ago when anxiety and panic attacks ruled my life, I came to a point in which I chose to face my fears. Through the experiences that followed, my faith grew tremendously. I experienced hope and joy, and it was great. Now it’s time to press forward once again…to quit treating my experience back then as if it was a great learning experience and nothing more. Although I’ve often treated it as such, it was not just a one time event in my life that led to my faith being full-grown. When I think about my wife, I don’t just think about the wedding day and nothing more. There have been so many awesome moments since then. The wedding day was only the beginning. Likewise, God has so much more He is wanting to experience with me…many more awesome moments…maybe even some better than what I have experienced thus far.

Several weeks ago, in talking with someone, I realized a false view of God that has plagued me. I have been planning on writing about it and sharing it here ever since. Today’s the day.

It’s easy to get caught up in religious behavior, as I have written about here before. In religious circles, we often do things out of a sense of obligation. We operate a lot on guilt and scare tactics such as “I’m not a good Christian if I don’t serve enough” or “I’d better not do that or God is going to get me for it!” To look the part of a Christian and thinking we need to keep God (and others) appeased with our efforts, we work hard to do the right things and avoid the wrong things. I discovered that beyond this mess, I actually had allowed myself to view God as being like this as well.

This lie that God helped me see in the conversation with my friend was not so much about operating out of guilt and fear this time, but about the obligatory actions. Since I often do things out of a since of obligation, I had been seeing God as doing the same. If I believe God does what He does out of obligation, I lose the ability to receive love from Him. The one big thing that was hurting me so bad was this lie: “Well, He’s God, He HAS to love me”. I have heard several others make this comment about their parents loving them, assuming their parents had no choice. God’s love is not obligatory love. I’d argue that obligatory love is not love at all. It’s based on guilt or fear, or some combination of both. God chooses to love me. Jesus chose to die on the cross. God chose me to be His son. When I ponder the fact that God has made choices, makes choices, and will continue to make choices to offer His love to me, it is simply an awesome perception changer.

Sitting here this morning, engaging in some much needed quiet time to myself, I have been reminded once again of the necessity to surrender my own efforts in order to allow God to work through me.

“God does not want us to work FOR him, to witness FOR him, to live FOR him. He wants to get SELF out of the way so he can work through us.” – Charles Solomon

Typically, as Christians, when we think about “self” or “flesh”, we think about things such as sexual sins, drug and alcohol abuse, not being in church enough, stealing, or some other behavior we have or have not distanced ourselves from. I’m finding more and more that I allow my self to be the center of my life in a much more sinisterly hidden way: religious striving.

As I stated in my last post here on this blog, God has begun a work in me to free me from my attempts to win the battle for my mind. The quote from Solomon up above was another loving interaction between the Holy Spirit and me regarding this. I habitually do the work while God is asking me to let Him initiate and guide, while I follow. I talk a lot about being Christ-centered, but when I am stressing and pushing myself constantly, even if it is to do “the right things” and to avoid “the wrong things”, I am self-centered…centered on me doing the work FOR God. If we have trouble discerning if Christ or self is in the center of our lives, there is always evidence in our lives that can serve as red flags that we are doing this. For me, anxiety, insomnia, no joy, and exhaustion are among the forerunners.

One of my greatest strengths and weaknesses is my mind. It is amazing, really, how powerful my thoughts are. I have told several people that I can think myself into depression within a few minutes, and that honestly is not an exaggeration. Paul knew how important the awareness of what goes on in the mind was to himself and his brothers and sisters in Christ. He warned the Corinthians to capture their thoughts and force them to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). He also said in Romans for Christians to be transformed by the renewing of their minds. He understood fully that whatever a man thinks to himself reveals his true heart. What we do and feel is driven by our thoughts. As for me, feelings of hopelessness set in when I am not surrendering myself to God’s Truth and choosing Him to be the One from which my identity and perception of everything in my life comes from. Paul said in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” It seems I often would rather place myself in the driver’s seat and allow my own logic, what people think, fears, and shame (amongst other things) to dictate my thoughts and perceptions of things. These lead to anything other than the things mentioned in Philippians 4:8.

I remember my mother often telling me when I was young that I needed to smile more. I started young allowing my mind to be occupied by things that darkly shaded my perception of myself, God, and others. This led to not only few smiles from the anger and sadness, but behaviors that brought me down as well. Some of this was out of ignorance, but struggles born of ignorance are no less a struggle than those born of some other source other than God’s Truth. As the years have passed, I have experienced more and learned more. Although I will never gather the full knowledge of God in this physical body, I have been able to ascertain a firmer grasp on what God’s Word actually says, which has been a great way to ward off the issue of “just not knowing” that I had earlier in life. The Holy Spirit has worked at just the right times to bring in Truths that I needed when my own ignorance was keeping me in a tail spin of false-belief-based thinking patterns. This continues to be the case for me because I must depend on Him to overcome the fact that I still don’t, and can’t, know everything. 

Today in Sunday School, I noticed an inner struggle while listening to my teacher (who I love deeply, by the way). I am becoming more and more aware that I have been trying to fight the battle for my mind by myself…in my own power. I am not that much different than the Galatians that Paul reprimanded for trying to be sanctified by their own works, but the majority of my attempts at this are in fighting for my mind. I forget one of the most important words to a follower of Christ: surrender. Of course I cannot win the battle over my behaviors, but I cannot even win the battle for my mind either. Not by myself anyway. It MUST begin with me acknowledging my inability to do so, surrendering myself over to Jesus’ lordship over me, and allow the Holy Spirit to renew my mind. This is still quite the mystery to me how this all happens without me doing the work, but it does. It doesn’t mean I’m passive in it though. Surrendering is a battle in and of itself because I must face my fears and give up control in my life to wave the white flag and allow Christ to lead me.

So…”mind over emotions, but what’s over the mind?” It’s my choice (that God has given me through Christ) whether I will be over it or if I will allow God to be over it. From that point on the results will be drastically different for me depending on who I am relying on: me or God.