It is amazing how many times a day I am tempted to lie about something. There are so many ways to lie. I can act like I know what other guys are talking about when they discuss car engines. I can tell a friend their new dress looks great, when it really does not. I can tell others there is a snake near their feet, just to get a laugh when they jump. I could minimize a person’s situation by telling them it is not quite as bad as it seems, which only temporarily makes them feel better. Or I could stretch a story just enough to make it more impressive.
Why are masks, white lies, exaggeration, and minimization so tempting? Are they even really that bad?
Lies are a control device.
Regardless of what form they take, lies are manipulative. They give us a sense of control. We use lies to protect ourselves, to manipulate others to think or feel different ways, to get acceptance or attention, to get the attention off of us, and sometimes for material benefits such as financial gain. Even when we lie to ourselves, we attempt to control something. In those cases, we attempt to control how we feel, avoiding things like guilt, shame, fear, and responsibility.
We are not the only ones who lie in order to gain control.
Our Enemy, also known as “the father of lies”, uses this same game to manipulate us all the time. His primary source of hurting us is to lie to us. He works through worldly interactions with others, things that happen to us, and even the feelings we have about things we have done. He uses such things to introduce lies like “you’re not enough”, “you are a loser”, “you’re ugly”, “you’re worthless and insignificant”, “you are a failure”, “no one cares about you”, “you are alone”, among countless others. After he has planted a seed of deception, he waters it with more of the same kinds of experiences. Once we believe even a seemingly small lie, it affects everything we say and do from that point on.
It’s easy to see the danger in his plan, but not always so much in our own day-to-day schemes to mislead ourselves and others.
Striving to maintain control is dangerous.
There are certain things that cannot coexist with a lie. One is intimacy. Relationships thrive on trust developed through openness and honesty. You cannot get to know a person who constantly hides behind a mask. You only get to know the mask and nothing else. Love and acceptance cannot flourish when lies are present.
Another thing that cannot coincide with lies is peace. Masks require constant work to maintain them. You have to keep track of lies in order to retell them when necessary, just as you did before. Not to mention there is a risk of being found out! With all the stress involved, true peace is not found in the midst of a lie.
One other thing that cannot coincide with lies is faith. Our relationship with God began and is cultivated by His Grace through us trusting Him as we wind our way through the path of life. Lies are all about control. Faith is about letting go of control. You simply cannot mix the two.
Intimacy, love, acceptance, peace, and faith are just some of God’s gifts that are thwarted by lies, making it a dangerous thing to play with.
You cannot control what happens when you tell the truth.
While lies offer a sense of control, they also come with potentially frightening consequences that are completely out of our control. Truth offers no sense of control. This can make it very frightening. However, it can be the most peaceful, soothing, and freeing thing we can imagine. When we believe and tell the truth, we put control in the hands of the One who embodies all that is true. It’s how we connect with him in a meaningful relationship, and it creates the opportunity to connect with others as well. Telling the truth, whether we do it by removing a mask and being real or resisting the urge to exaggerate, requires that we trust Him. If we believe that faith truly opens the door to receiving all that we will ever need, the truth becomes more appetizing than chewing on a lie that only serves to distance us from God and others.
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. (John 14:6, ESV)
Well said