Failure Must Be An Option

I do not like to mess anything up. When presented with a decision, I do not want to make “the wrong one”. I do not like to get to a certain point in putting a new item together and realize I missed a step. I do not like to misspeak when talking with someone. I do not like making mistakes at work. And I certainly do not like hurting others.

Fear of failure is one of the main fears we all face. 

There are many fears that we face in life, but a few stand out as common and pervasive. Fear of failure is one of those. It takes different forms, showing up differently for different people. Some of us fear failing at certain tasks: work, hobbies, and other challenges we face in life. Others of us see this fear show up in a more relational manner, as we strive hard not to hurt or disappoint those we love, work with, or simply interact with in a social setting. Whether we are striving to avoid bombing a project at work or working hard to avoid messing up Sunday dinner for the family, fear of failure can control us. It can drive us into a frenzy, causing more and more anxiety. It can lead to panic, petrifying us so that we are unable to do anything.

Avoiding failure does not work.

One of the things that makes the fear of failure even stronger in our lives is that we refuse for failure to be an option. The more we try to run away from anything scary, the scarier it becomes. We commit to doing whatever it takes to avoid it. This is where fear begins to branch out and invade other parts of our lives. Fear of failure at work may lead to workaholism in an effort to avoid failure. This leads to the sacrifice of more important things, such as time with family. Giving into fear of failure in relationships requires us to be people pleasers, so that we can strive to not disappointment anyone and keep everyone happy. Nothing leads to burnout faster than people pleasing, and with burnout comes other things we do not like to see in ourselves: anger, hostility, exhaustion, anxiety, and even depression.

To overcome the fear of failure, it must become an option. 

When we fear failure and try to avoid it, the fear has power over us. It is in the driver’s seat. Every move we make and every emotion we experience is affected. Thinking we can control it is an illusion. For any fear to lose its power, we must choose to face it head-on. What better way to do this than to painstakingly make failure an option?

Failing does not mean you are a failure.

Everyone needs an identity. In fact, no one is without one. The problem is, we all have had experiences in life that suggest we are failures. I can easily look back on any of my mistakes and bad decisions and agree with what they seemingly tell me…”Neil, you are an idiot and a failure”. However, one piece of evidence is not enough to prove the case. I can give any one of my failures in life the power to make that call, but I can choose to disagree with what it says as well. It’s not an easy choice, but it’s possible. The hard part is finding another source for my identity, and trusting it.

If I am a failure, then God is too.

To muster the courage to face the fear of failure, we must have a solid identity to rely on. Once we have that, we can accept failure as a part of our lives and use it to our advantage. At work, if an employee is not trained well, and makes a mistake, the supervisor is as much to blame as he is. That supervisor not only chose that employee to work there, he also was responsible for providing that employee with what he needed to be successful. For me to declare myself a failure, I am not only calling into question a few bad moves on my part, I am calling into question the One who chose me and provided me with everything I needed in life. Yes, sometimes I fail to recognize and use those gifts. Yes, those are failures on my part. But it does not invalidate His choosing, His careful tutoring of me along the way, and the identity that comes with that (child of His, loved, valued, significant, gifted, and eternally secure in all those and more). When I am able to embrace that Truth, failure becomes something I just do sometimes, not who I am.