The One Thing that Builds Trust

Trust comes easier for some than others. I am one who is slow to trust. It is such a risk to trust, I often put the sole burden on others to prove themselves trustworthy first. While this proves to protect me in some ways, in other ways it prevents me from cultivating relationships with others. My son tends to trust first, ask questions later. He would rather risk getting hurt than to miss out on an opportunity to make a new friend. While this certainly leads to hurt at times, he has virtually no roadblock in making connections and enjoying others.

People will fail us, time and time again.

Some of us have been so jaded in life that we have decided it is better to be guarded. We have experienced what it feels like to let another person catch a glimpse of who we really are, only to be used, criticized, or rejected. We, consequently, have up walls to protect ourselves. I often catch myself assuming the intentions of others are not good. I think they must have ulterior motives if they are nice to me. The fact is, this is not true all the time. However, we do often fail each other. To avoid this we would have to avoid relationships altogether, which would leave us unfulfilled.

Trust is a gift.

Being worthy of trust means never letting someone down, always following through on promises, and having perfect motives all the time. None of us are capable of that! Even on our best “loving day”, we mess up. Therefore, all trust that is given to others is a gift we choose to give. Trust in others always comes with a risk. Our gift may be misused or misplaced. However, it can also bring joy to both the giver and the one receiving.

There is only one thing that consistently builds trust.

In examining the deepest and most precious relationships in my life, I have found a common thread in what compels me to trust. Only one thing can overcome a thousand letdowns and give me the courage and desire to trust someone. Love. When I realize that I am loved by someone, my assumption is not that they have an ulterior motive. I begin to assume that they have my best interest at heart when they listen and speak to me. I assume that they value me as they sacrifice time to spend with me. Even if they have a bad day and say something mean, I have the patience and confidence to see past it and know not to take it personal. I know there is love present behind their imperfections.

Being loved begins with being real.

Authenticity requires us to be vulnerable. It requires courage. It requires us to take off our masks and be real, at the risk of being hurt. One beautiful thing about it is, it opens us up to experience all the joys that relationships have to offer. We can only love and be loved in the context of a relationship in which we are openly being ourselves. Otherwise, the best people can do is love the mask we are wearing at the time.

There is one worthy of our trust.

So where can we dig up the courage to be real with others? Love is crucial, but everyone does not love me. If I wait for love from others before I choose to be real, I sometimes find myself waiting a long time. Honestly, I need something outside of myself and others to convince me it is okay to be authentic.

Since our Heavenly Father makes the incredible promise to love us unconditionally, we actually have access to the love we desperately need. This is something He does by Grace, so we can be real with Him. Christ made this clear in everything He said and did when He spent some time here on earth. I can know the love God has for me by looking at Christ. I can receive that love, which leads to trusting Him. I then engage an awesome cycle of experiencing that love more and more. 1 John 4:8 actually states that God IS love. He is the source of love that gives me what I need to take off my masks with others and be who He created me to be (myself!), even when others do not love me and deserve anything but trust. God desires this freedom for me. It’s a major goal of His. No ulterior motives.