A Remedy for Rejection

Rejection is a difficult thing. Even for those of us who claim “I don’t need anybody anyway!”, deep down, it hurts really bad when we find out others have left us out, said negative things about us behind our backs, or even just pulled away discreetly without saying much. The anger and tears at those times are both indicators of how bad it hurts.

Rejection is not necessarily evidence that we are somehow deserving of it.

Often we feel guilt and shame when we are rejected, believing that we must be unacceptable somehow. We may believe we must have done something to deserve others deciding to reject us. Rejection is not an indicator that something is wrong with us inherently, although it may feel that way, especially after repeated bouts with it. And although all rejection hurts, it is not necessarily an indicator that we have done something wrong, either.

Rejection is a choice.

Rejection is something others decide to do to us, and it is something we decide to do to others. In other words, no one has ever MADE someone reject them. No one has ever been so “bad” or “messed up” that others had no choice but to pull away. It is a decision that is made, based on the rejecter’s views, understandings, and beliefs. Many times, these are faulty.

Rejection can be evidence that you are doing something right.

One of the most common types of rejection occurs in dysfunctional families. One family member often winds up attempting to pull away from the dysfunction and be healthy. That person is commonly labeled “the bad guy”, and the other family members team up and attempt to guilt, shame, or scare the healthier person back into the dysfunctional way of life. Those family members still caught in dysfunction would rather hold onto something they know than risk trying something different. In this case, the brave family member attempting to find a healthier way to live is rejected…for trying to be healthy! And this type of rejection is not restricted to families. This happens in groups of friends, classrooms, offices, churches, and any other environment in which people are grouped together.

When we are rejected, we need a tremendous amount of acceptance in order to heal.

Rejection is quite powerful. Positive thinking, finding new friends, and things like that are nice and may be somewhat helpful, but they are not a cure. Rejection screams something is wrong with us. It convincingly states that we should feel guilty, not good enough, or stupid. It tells us to “just give up!” or “try harder!”. To overcome such a hurtful act, the only real help is to be fully accepted. To be lasting and helpful, this acceptance cannot be from the same place we received the rejection. Acceptance from people just won’t do because it is never enough. This acceptance must not have any conditions. It must be fully aware of all of our imperfections, and be okay with them!

Perfect, healing acceptance comes from our Father.

Our Heavenly Father is the only One capable of this kind of acceptance. Often, this is only head knowledge and not reality for us. Instead of allowing His acceptance to define us, we allow what other people think to be a stronger influence in our lives. For each of us, the steps of faith out of this mindset is a bit different. We each have unique lies that the Enemy has planted in us that contradict the truth of who we truly are. Rejection is one tool used to perpetuate the lies. Pursuing our true identity, according to God’s Truth, is necessary in order to begin noticing the difference between what is true and what is not about who He is and who we are. According to Scripture, He freely accepts and loves His children unconditionally, never rejecting those who trust in His Grace through Jesus. He chose, is choosing, and will continue choosing to offer His Grace to us. He delights in us. He made us new creatures in Christ, fully acceptable to Him. And one beautiful side effect of living in His acceptance is that it compels us to offer this same Grace to others, instead of consistently allowing rejection to haunt our relationships.