I love lots of different types of music. So many emotions can be expressed through music. I like listening to the words and trying to picture what the writer is painting with the lyrics. Depending on where I’m at on life’s journey, I get different pictures from the same song at different times. That happened recently when I was listening to “New Today” by Alli Rogers.
New shoes in the closet, box is on the floor
Dress is laid out nicely on the bed
A song is singing slowly
Across the street and through my door
And turning over memories in my head
Nothing feels new today
I’m just trying to catch the words before they float away
They’re singing
Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning, morning by morning, morning by morning
Walking up the church step, I stop to look around
People seem to stare just like they know
I’m wondering what Jesus thinks about me now
Still carrying a shame I can’t let go
I have heard this song and sung along while driving numerous times, but this time I stopped at that part. I restarted the song and listened again. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling lately; covered in a shame I can’t let go. Going through each day feeling like it’s the same old, same old thing. Others have it figured out but I sure don’t. Others are happy. I’m not. I have shame written all over me and boy does it speak loudly when I take a look in the mirror. I see shame, I blame myself, beat myself up, and try to “fix” it or “ignore” it (which is really impossible). I repeat this cycle over and over. And if I’m seeing this shame then so is everyone else, including God. So I try even harder to “fix” it, “ignore” it or just “hide”. I’m trying to manage my sin and shame.
Then she goes on to sing….
I feel like an imposter wearing someone else’s prize
And my heart’s about to beat out of my chest
Nothing feels new today
I’m just trying to catch the words before they float away
Don’t float away, keep singing
Could you sing some mercies over me?
I am affected when all I see is shame and my inability to manage it. My relationships are affected. I’m miserable. I avoid intimacy with those that love me and want to be with the raw, unedited me. I hide. I avoid people. I overeat. I am irritable and snappy. I am tired. That describes me pretty well recently.
My husband tells me all the time how he sees me. I have such a hard time embracing that because it is the opposite of how I see me and how I think he really sees me. I do the same with God. When looking through the lens of shame, we only see what that shame tells us. Everything else just floats away.
There is freedom in God’s grace. He sings mercies over us time and time again. He’ll continue to sing them until we embrace them. Then he’ll start singing them again. That’s what gets me through. Even when I don’t embrace His love and mercy because I’m looking at the world and the mirror through the lens of shame, He’s there singing them. And He won’t give up. I don’t have to fix it, ignore it, or hide it. And when I do embrace it, the freedom allows me to embrace the newness I have because of Christ.
-Melissa
Follow us on twitter by clicking here. Also, if you would like, you can sign up to receive notifications of new blog posts and announcements here:
I like what you wrote. Makes you stop and think.