I love the movie Braveheart. One of my favorite scenes occurs right before William Wallace picks a fight with the English who are oppressing the Scottish people. Just prior to Wallace taking off to speak with the English, some of his men ask him what they should do. His response is this: “Just be yourselves”. He trusts that if the men lay down any attempts to be something they are not, trust who they really are, and act on that identity, that the outcome will be what it needs to be. The men were scared. Many did not believe in themselves anymore after years of living under tyranny. However, Wallace saw through all the mess in their lives. He believed in them. When the men bought into what he was saying, they, too bought into the fight for freedom that Wallace was instigating with their oppressors.
Fear deters us from being ourselves.
I recall many times that I did not act out of who I truly am. From the examples I have swirling in my brain, all were fueled by fear. Underneath the fears has always been a doubt about my abilities and what I have to offer. I often feel as though I am not smart enough and will fail at what I set out to do. I mistakenly look for my worth in doing and saying the right thing. As a counselor, this has been a tremendous struggle at times as hurting people come to me looking for help.
When we are not ourselves, we wind up robbing others of what we have to offer.
One time, many years ago, a lady came to see me. I was a brand new counselor, just getting over the jitters of sitting with clients all by myself. The lady had experienced a tremendous loss in her life…one like I have never personally known. Her story was heart-wrenching. We both cried as she shared what had happened to her. She was grieving deeply. Beyond the sadness that I felt for her, I was scared. What was I to do for her? I wanted so badly to help her, but how could I? What could I possibly do to help her through this agonizing trauma that she was going through?
I listened to her for several sessions as she unpacked the details of what had happened to her. I had little to say, as I could not imagine anything I could say that would be helpful. Eventually, I asked someone for advice regarding the inadequacy I felt in helping this hurting person. This person suggested I refer her to someone with more experience in grief counseling. Regretfully, the next time I saw her, I did just that. I explained that I wanted her to get the help she needed, and I had realized I did not know how to help her. Immediately, tears rolled down her face. She was heartbroken. Through the tears, she explained that she came to me feeling completely alone. She had no one to listen to her…no one to be with her as she traveled the dark path that she was on. She further explained that I was the first person in her life in a long time to take the time to really listen to her. She felt comforted by my presence. She had trusted me almost instantly after she opened up the first time we met as she had sensed my sincere concern. When I considered referring her to someone else, she felt rejected and alone once again.
People do not need a good performance or a good fix. God doesn’t either. What is needed and desired is love.
The lady did not need a perfect counselor. This person, in particular, didn’t even need someone with an advanced degree in grief counseling. She did not come to me to get a problem fixed. She needed someone to be present with her, hear her story, and allow her to grieve in a safe place. The mistake I made was trying to figure out what else I should do for her instead of trusting that the love God had put in my heart for her was enough.
Our relationships with God and others thrive on us being ourselves.
God does not want us to try to be anything other than who He has created us to be. Trusting who He says we are is always exactly what He desires. Our worth is based on His view of us, and as children of God who are “in Christ”, we have been made righteous and holy just like Christ is righteous and holy. He has also instilled in us a need to love and be loved. Jesus says people know we belong to Him because of this love that is now inside of us, not because we look good and perform well. To live out of who He says we are, we must trust Him. In that counseling office years ago, I did not realize it, but I was trusting in myself. When I realized I could not handle it myself, I felt like I needed to hand it over to someone “more qualified”. The truth was (and always IS) that we were never meant to rely on our own resources. We were born to trust Him and rely on the relationship we have with Him in Christ. By His Grace through our trust, we experience the unconditional love He has for us. Because of the love He has for us, we are able to give others around us what they need above all else: love.
Authentic lives are not easy. It requires us to acknowledge our self-insufficiency and our need to rely on trust in our Father. Although it is often scary to consider living authentically, authentic lives do not provoke more fear. Instead, they provide freedom. Authenticity is so very rewarding. We need it, not only in humbling ourselves before God, but with each other. The lady in the counseling office did not need me to be something I was not. She simply needed me to be me. As human beings, we all have a desperate need to be ourselves (who God created us to be), and we need others who are being themselves as well. When we aren’t living authentically, we wind up hurting ourselves and hurting each other.
-Neil
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