In my last post on “no-see-ums” (click here to read it), I shared how hidden issues in our lives lead to problems in our relationships with each other. Today, I want to explore the disruptive emotions and physical ailments that can pop up in our lives due to the same unresolved matters.
The masked core issues that cause us so many problems always relate back to shame in some way, shape, or form. Shame is a sneaky adversary. It’s practically invisible, for the most part. If not for the symptoms that show up due to the damage it does in us, we would never have a chance to see it. Shame manifests in us when we do something wrong and/or when something wrong is done to us. In other words, the hurt and guilt in our lives transforms into shame.
“No-see-ums” showed up in the story of King Saul.
Before a man named Saul became king of the Israelites, he was tracked down by the prophet at the time named Samuel. God had guided Samuel to locate the man who would be king, and then conveyed the message to Saul. When Saul realized what was happening, he was shocked. Saul told Samuel, “But I’m only a Benjaminite, from the smallest of Israel’s tribes, and from the most insignificant clan in the tribe at that. Why are you talking to me like this?” (1 Samuel 9:21, The Message). Saul would not accept the fact that God had chosen him to be king because of his own view of himself. The shame he carried related a lot to his family and their perceived ranking amongst the rest of the nation.
Due to his shame, Saul suffered emotionally in two ways that are well documented in the book of 1 Samuel. One emotion that showed up was debilitating anxiety. When Samuel planned to announce to the people that Saul was God’s chosen king to reign over them, Saul hid himself from the crowd. Several men had to find him and pull him up on stage. Later in life, 1 Samuel tells how Saul suffered from anxiety to the point that only soothing music from a harp could calm him down…although it was only a temporary fix (1 Samuel 16:23).
Another troubling emotion that showed up in Saul’s life was anger. This was no small amount of frustration. No…Saul was so angry at times that he was homicidal. He wanted to hunt down David and kill him when Saul perceived that the people liked David more than him.
Both of these emotions can be tied back to King Saul’s shame. He viewed himself as having very little value, if any. This self-view was in direct opposition to how God viewed him, because God chose him to be king. However, Saul never seemed to show signs of trusting God when it came to this foundational issue in his life. Instead, he sought ways to hide his shame. One way he did this was through seeking the approval of others. The uncertainty of that led to much anxiety. It also led to anger when others seemed to like someone else more than him.
No-see-ums torment our minds, emotions, and even our bodies.
King Saul was literally tormented by his mind and emotions. Unfortunately for him (and others around him that suffered from his detrimental behaviors), there is no evidence in his story that he ever addressed the underlying issue of shame in his life. Instead, he persistently tried to control his situations and others with the hopes that his perceived identity would be hidden from others…and himself. Emotional turmoil like what Saul encountered will eventually lead to physical issues as well. Stomach aches, insomnia, headaches, and dizziness are just a few of the problems that may arise in our bodies over time. The truth is, shame disrupts our lives in a multitude of ways: relationally, emotionally, and physically. None of us can overcome the shame with which we suffer through our own efforts. We need certain gifts from God to do it.
We must recognize emotions as signs that something is going on inside of us.
It is very tempting to handle our emotions the way King Saul did. It seems easier to try to hide them, or simply react to them, without asking what in the world is going on inside of us that is leading to them. Embracing the fact that emotions are like warning lights on the dashboard of our cars will get us moving down the right path. The follow-up to that step is owning the fact that we may have unresolved shame issues that must be dealt with.
Using insecticides to kill no-see-ums.
Getting to the root of the problem requires trust. We must take a step of faith in order to really make headway towards our issues with shame being resolved. King Saul chose to rely on his own efforts in dealing with his problems. There is no evidence in the Bible that King Saul humbled himself, looked to God’s forgiveness to handle his guilt, or embraced God’s love and acceptance to squash his low self-esteem and craving for the acceptance of others to somehow make him feel better. The willingness to humble ourselves, to be authentic, to share our hurts, to confess our wrongs without blame or excuse…those are some hefty doses of insecticides when it comes to attacking no-see-ums (shame).
Receiving grace as a means to obliterate shame and it’s terrible effects.
Several weeks ago, my stomach was in knots. I was having difficulty sleeping through the night. Little things were igniting frustration and, in some cases, angry outbursts. Looking deeper, I noticed I had fallen back on my old view of myself: the shame from my past that tends to sneak its way back in when I have my guard down. I was pushing myself, too hard, in efforts to overcome the shame and its ill-effects…so much that it was all breaking me down relationally, emotionally, and physically. I needed to humble myself, I needed to revert back to being genuine and honest with myself (and others), and I needed to own any damage I had done in the process. But before all of that, I needed the one thing that gives us the power to do those things. I needed to open myself up to my Father’s love and grace. When I perceive the truth that, in Christ, I am loved, accepted, forgiven, and secure without a need to impress God or anyone, then and only then can I have the courage to risk stepping out of the dark mess I’ve made and into the light. It’s a breath of fresh air that begins to cleanse how I relate to others, how I think, and how I feel.
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