The struggle has been very real for me. I am constantly focused on it and that is only increasing my downward spiral. What is the solution? I am frozen until this question is answered so I am on the hunt. If I can figure out a solution then I can get this under control! It’s all up to me. Then, I’ll be free to move on with my life and enjoy it. So what do I do? I have become consumed with figuring out a plan to fix me.
But……..things are only getting worse. I may temporarily get better but it is not true, lasting change. So I carry on the search for the answer. Something is missing, though. I know it but cannot put my finger on it.
Galatians 2:20 says “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (ESV)
This verse appeared while I was reading a book as part of my search for a cure to my problems. I began to think through everything and my search for a plan. I noticed a common thread……the words I, mine, me. All I could focus on was my perception of me and how I could fix it. Needless to say, my perception of me was not a very good one. It was full of words such as frustrated, angry, cynical, weak, dumb, and the list goes on and on. This was all I could see. No wonder I was stuck and growing even more frustrated! No wonder I was on a search for the next best plan to cure what ailed me.
The search for a plan had to stop. It was keeping me stuck in this pity party I was having for myself. Yes, I still will make poor choices, go back to searching at times, get angry and frustrated but it no longer defines me because I have faith in Jesus. I cannot get unstuck as long as I am living like my flesh defines me. When I do that, I just focus on things that are not true about me like I described above. Yes, I will still get angry but I am not an angry person. I will still make poor decisions at times but I am not dumb. Since I have been crucified with Christ, my identity statement is different. My foundation is laid with truths about who I am because of Jesus. I am righteous, holy, redeemed, perfect, and more. I am okay!
I am not saying that plans are evil and if you follow one then you are evil too. That is not true at all. I am saying that I realized in my failing search for a plan to solve my problems that my focus was off. Searching for a plan through the label of truth changes everything. Truth can show up in many different ways. It can be words from another person. It can be something you read. It may be a song you hear or something you see. God knows how to whisper these truths to us in a way
It goes back to how I see myself and how I see God. It has to go back to the foundation of truth.
-Melissa
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