“Choosing” by Alli Rogers
I guess I need to choose
But today I am confused and losing ground
Is this part of some plan?
The rise and fall of man?
I can’t be sure
When I’m away from my source of peace
Something fills that space in me
And it feels like I don’t need you
It’s easy to get by
When I don’t even try to find the truth
Today I learned that faith
Is not to be obtained like a place I can go
It’s more of a choice than a feeling
More of a wound that healing
The act of believing in you
And I guess I need to choose
But today I am confused
And losing ground
But maybe this is where I grow
When I admit that I don’t know
When belief becomes the only way to you
The above lyrics are to a song that I love. A song that speaks volumes to me. It’s written and sung by Alli Rogers and I recommend you check her out.
The song starts out saying what I say to myself quite often. I feel lost, confused and unsure what my life is supposed to look like. Sometimes I hide behind these feeling and emotions and tell myself that “it’s easier to get by when I don’t even try to find the truth”. That sounds like something I have to work at. I don’t know how to even begin doing that though.
But then there’s the line that says faith is not obtained like a place I can go. That doesn’t match my tendency to put God and faith in this far away place that I’m trying to get to. I can try and try but walking this path leads only to us “losing ground and being confused”. I can work on finding the plan God has for me and surely I’ll finally get to the point I can talk with God and He’ll be ready to help me right?
I know this is a false belief if I stop and look at God’s truth that tells me He is omnipresent and that He is loving on me right here where I’m at. Trusting in God in my present circumstances is faith. That may look like admitting I don’t know, admitting I’m confused and then choosing to trust my loving Father. It’s not the picture I’ve always had in my mind of God sitting on a throne with his arms crossed waiting for me to finally find him. It’s God standing with me as I face my confusion, my wounds, and whatever else comes my way. This is how I grow.
-Melissa
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