Nothing Hidden (Part 2 of 2)

About 12 years ago, I nervously walked through the glass door of an office in Rocky Mount, NC. Not even the soothing tone of the nice lady’s voice behind the counter could make me feel comfortable. The anxiety was coursing through my body like an out of control forest fire. The appointment was absolutely necessary, or I would have cancelled or simply not shown up. I did not want to do what I needed to do. I was not eager to walk into the office of Dr. Ramsey and open myself up to whatever would happen next.

We want to hide.

Before that first appointment with a man that would eventually become one of my dearest and most trusted friends, I was a wreck. I really did not even have a clue as to how messed up I truly was. What I did know was I could not take it anymore. I had exhausted medical treatments, herbal remedies, self-help books, and other possibly fixes as a way to make myself feel better. Whatever was wrong with me, the root cause was not being addressed by those methods. I would have found some relief in one of them if it was.

One critical piece of the puzzle would come out quickly in my counseling sessions: I was hiding. In fact, I had been hiding a very long time. Because I was hiding, nothing of significance was ever truly being addressed. Rarely would people catch a glimpse of the real Neil. I would hide him behind fake smiles and laughs, the use of big words to make myself sound “smarter”, outright lies to cover up mistakes I was ashamed of, and a deceivingly flippant, carefree attitude that made it seem like my life’s soundtrack must be on repeat of the song “Don’t worry, be happy”. I wanted to hide the things I did not want others to see. The truth was, I was scared, miserable, depressed, and feeling very much alone. Since there were few moments in which I let people see the real Neil, most social interaction was between others and a false version of myself. I could not receive or embrace any of it because I wasn’t being myself.

We really need to be known.

For me, the beginning of authenticity (being real) was with a counselor. For some, that may sound cold and impersonal. In my experience, the opposite was true. God dropped me into the office of someone I discovered to be exceptionally trustworthy. He accepted me from the beginning and legitimately wanted to get to know me. He was not phased by the “bad stuff” I began to tell him. The more I realized this, the more I opened up. Mask after mask fell on the floor. Dr. Ramsey was seeing the real me. I was seeing the real me, as well. And most importantly, I realized God was, too, and was also unconditionally accepting of me. It is often surprising just how desperate we are to be known because we often do not realize we have been hiding all along.

This relationship with Dr. Ramsey was profoundly healing, in and of itself. As I opened up and shared with him, dark corners of my life were having a light shown into them. Some corners hurt more than others. Some took more time than others to look around and see exactly what was going on. However, one by one, the wounds were being healed in a relationship where the goal was to trust and be real. There was no rush to get to the finish line. Each moment was treated with priority, care, and concern. The best relationships work that way. They are more about keeping nothing hidden than trying to fix things. They are more about living in the moment rather than trying to rush through to the “next big thing”. At their core, these wonderfully satisfying relationships are more about trusting God to work in and through them rather than us trying to control them.

Coming out of hiding is scary! Is it worth the risk?

While my life’s path carried me through a counselor in order for God to show me the need for authenticity, many of us will discover this all-important truth in other ways. Potential friends that we can trust are out there. I have spoken with many hurting people that were having trouble locating trustworthy friends. The desire and desperation to find them can be a major struggle. Then there’s the times that people let us down, potentially leaving us to want to pull away and hide even more. So is it really worth the effort and risk?

Although I would be lying if I said I am always open to finding new people to trust myself with, I do believe it is worth the risk. When I lose sight of the necessity of authentic relationships, it seems God finds a new way to remind me of the life-giving connections He wants to make with the people I cross paths with. Just recently, a couple of meetings with a small group of people refreshed this truth for me as I shared some things about myself. They shared some things as well, and suddenly it turned into much more than we could have planned. A room for a lecture turned into a room of God’s love and grace.

Scripture tells us that Jesus is building a Church, which is also referenced in others ways, including His people, His bride, Christians, and God’s children. As we embrace His grace, and trust Him, we can trust ourselves with others, allowing Him to cross our paths with each other along the way at exactly the right times. There always will be the potential for rejection and hurt. However, there’s also the blessing of finding freedom and healing when we meet others who reciprocate.

My friend, Dr. Michael Ramsey, has an awesome blog. Check it out HERE.

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