When I arrive home from work each day, the first thing I do is pull over to the left-hand side of the road and get our mail out of the mailbox. To do this, of course, I must roll down the window. I have noticed, since I have been riding with my windows down, I automatically hit the button to open the window even though it’s already open! It’s kind of annoying, really. I roll my eyes at myself each time I do it.
Some habits really hurt.
If my inability to break habits was limited to simply trying to roll my window down when it is already down, it would not be that big of a deal. But, it’s not. This past weekend, my wife and I had ant problems. Ants decided they really wanted some of the food in our pantry. It was a mess. I was ticked. For years, I have known the tendency I have to take control of a situation like that and make demands of Melissa until things get fixed. If she does not move as fast as I would like for her to, the tendency is to act like even more of a jerk. Needless to say, she had every right to knock me upside the head before those ants were evicted from our home.
Apologies are only the beginning.
Later, I addressed my behavior with her. An apology was in order, but there needed to be more. Obviously, I’m a habitual line stepper (for those of you who never watched The Chappelle Show, it means I have a habit of crossing the line). To simply seek her forgiveness is a great thing to do. Owning my issues is awesome, but if I do not work hard to get to the root of why I keep crossing that line, I might as well save my breath. In fact, I probably do not even mean the apology to begin with.
Habits are behaviors, and behaviors are a symptom of something else.
Digging deeper, I realized quickly what was happening. I have been busy lately. Very busy. It’s been to the point that I really do not like for something to come along and mess up my already flooded schedule of responsibilities. On top of that, fears have been creeping in. I noticed fears of failure and a few other things controlling my thinking. Since I had been allowing fear and anxious busyness to drive me, it’s no wonder I crossed the line and acted out.
Dealing with our core issues is nobody’s responsibility but our own.
I could spend time blaming Melissa for not moving fast enough when the ants were trying to take over. I could blame the people who built our house for not sealing the cracks well enough. I could even blame God for “allowing it to happen”. But if I play the blame game, I avoid personal responsibility for how I reacted to a situation. If I point the finger at others, I fail to allow God to work in my heart and deal with my fears and what’s driving them. The blame game (and any other form of not looking at myself) is not only a waste of time, it hurts me, hurts others, and prevents any growth…so that the habitual line stepping continues unchecked. Anything left unchecked flourishes.
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