This morning, while getting ready for work, I wanted to share something with my wife. What I had to share was not a big deal, really. However, her listening to me WAS a big deal. We both know this because of my reaction when I believed that she was not listening: unbelievable child-like behavior. The only thing missing was my bottom lip being poked out and me crossing my arms.
There’s an underlying reason as to why we overreact to things.
Why did I overreact so ridiculously at the thought of not being listened to? The overreaction is a red flag showing me there’s more to this than I might think. This is where I often fail to move forward. It’s easy to just tell myself to “get over it” or “it’s not a big deal” and never attempt to address the root of the problem. Emotional reactions are always a result of something deep inside us that is worth our attention.
It’s important to ask why something is so important.
Another good question to ask myself is, “Why is it so important for someone else to listen to me?”. When I see my wife’s eyes wandering to something other than my eyes when I am talking, an initial thought leads to a train wreck inside my mind. First, I think, “She’s not listening to me.” Then, I think, “What I’m saying must not be important to her”. Then, the inevitable…”I must not be important to her!”.
We have unique ways of receiving and giving love to each other.
We all have different ways we enjoy receiving and giving love to each other. Some of us like to do things for others, so we like things done for us. Some of us like to give and receive gifts. Some of us like simply spending time with others. Some of us like to listen and to be heard (okay, I snuck that one in there).
We need to look beyond what we usually rely on.
When I look at all the evidence, I find that there is much to support the fact that I am important to my wife. She shows her love in a multitude of ways. However, I miss seeing her love many times. The reason for this is that I usually rely on a select few ways to receive love from her. For instance, I value listening as a sign of love, so I look for that a lot. But listening is not the ONLY sign of love! We often limit ourselves to receiving love in the ways we are used to. We actually demand love in certain ways, sometimes silently…sometimes loudly. If love isn’t shown the way we want it to be, we actually reject it! To be free to receive love from others, we must surrender our expectations, and that it is hard to do.
We need to let God love us.
Although God listens to me, that’s not what He primarily points to in order to prove that I am loved. Instead, he points me to Jesus (1 John 3:16). Jesus gave His life for me. The act of anyone giving their life for me goes well beyond my usual expectations of how others should show me love. And on top of that, not just anyone gave their life. It was God’s only son. This is an amazing fact, but knowledge of this love is one thing. To experience this love is another (Ephesians 3:19). Just as I must consider how to let down my guard with my wife and let her love me however she wants, I must do the same with my Heavenly Father. One of the hardest things for us to do is to let God love us. We are very good at coming up with excuses why He can’t, or shouldn’t. As long as we hold onto those excuses, we refuse to allow His love to wash over us and define us. Instead, we allow lack of love to define us as unlovable. From there, we are incapable of loving others and letting them love us.
As simple as it may sound, I needed God’s love this morning. It’s not that it wasn’t there. It’s always there. HE’S always there. The greatest step of faith we can take sometimes is letting down our guard, throwing out the excuses, and just letting ourselves be loved.