After listening to a very cool discussion this morning, I have been pondering a difficult struggle that I have had, off and on, for many years. Prayer, in many ways, has been a profound mystery to me. In a way, I believe this has been good to wrestle with. I am usually in much worse shape whenever I believe I have something figured out. The struggle I have had with talking intimately with God has forced me to dive deeper into how I communicate with Him and what He is saying to me.
Prayer can easily become “just a list”.
Prayer so easily becomes an obligation, like a blessing before a meal or one of the structured public prayers during a worship service. Prayer can also become just something we do when we need something. Trusting two or three friends with our prayers can help avoid this. In a larger group, it is merely impossible to deeply engage what is on the heart of each person. Among two or three trusted friends, conversation can take place. This conversation is more likely to spur true conversation with God about our heart’s desires. Essentially, it becomes less about “will you do this for me God?” and more about “God, what are you doing in this?”.
Trusting God for a deserved outcome is not the same thing as trusting God.
I have found myself, many times in my life, saying “I am trusting God for it”. “It” is an outcome that I would have liked. “It” may have been getting a job I wanted, getting a grade I wanted in school, getting me somewhere safely, or a person I cared about being healed. It is easy to become more focused on what I want than on trusting the One I am praying to. When I “trust God FOR something”, I am not truly trusting Him. My attention is more focused on getting a desired outcome than trusting Him no matter what the outcome is. At times like that, I have noticed the tendency to repeat the prayer as many times as possible. I will also get others to pray for the same thing. The truth is, God is not keeping score with our prayers. The number of them is not the point. When we are concerned about the quantity of our prayers, we are likely trusting more in the outcome than the One we are praying to. God can hear and respond to one heart-felt prayer just as much as He can ten-thousand of them.
Prayer is not pointless.
Prayer does provoke change. However, there have been many points in my life where I have believed it to be pointless. “God will do whatever His Will is anyway!”, I would think to myself. There have been two reasons for this way of thinking. One, there have been times that I was frustrated with God for not doing what I wanted Him to do. Two, there have been times that, in an effort to try to give up what I wanted and “settle” for His plan, I ceased to see the point in praying at all. I might think, “Why pray if I need to let go of asking Him for what I want?” The same problem is present in both cases. In viewing prayer simply as a means to ask God for things, I wind up 1) angry or 2) in a state of passivity as I try to accept whatever fate He chooses to dish out. At times like this, I have lost sight of what prayer truly is. Prayer is so much more than asking God for things, thanking Him for stuff, or fulfilling the obligation of a blessing before a meal.
Prayer is all about relationship.
Prayer is ongoing. Prayer fluctuates and changes for us as we grow in our relationship with God. Prayer often changes more in us than it does things outside of us. Sometimes we beg. Sometimes we yell in anger. Sometimes we stop praying because we falsely assume it is unnecessary. The most awesome, peaceful, rewarding times of prayer, for me, have been when my attitude has been something like this: “God, whatever it is that you do is good. I trust that. I want to be a part of it”. At those times, prayer becomes more about listening. I desire the truth more than what I want in the moment. I desire HIM to a greater degree. Sometimes what I want and His Will are one in the same. Many times, they turn out to be very different. Regardless, there is a peace when I allow Him to take the lead in the dance.