In my role as a counselor, I share a lot about myself. For the counseling office to be a safe place to open up and deal with difficult issues, it is important for it NOT to be a one-way street in which I get to know the client, but the client does not get to know me. I find that God is doing work in everyone involved in the counseling relationship, and that includes me. He works in and through the sharing of personal experiences from both sides of the room.
It is a relief to find out others do not have it all together.
Many of us work hard every day to look like everything is okay. We do not want others to catch a glimpse of anything that might suggest we are NOT okay. I have found that many of my clients are surprised by the fact that I have issues. This tells me that I must often display to others that I have it together when I really do not. It is a sobering moment for me when I see that shocked look on a person’s face as I share one of my personal struggles. Frequently, after some time of getting to know me, others tell me they were shocked when I opened up. However, they were also relieved.
Trying hard to look like Jesus does not work for me.
We tend to believe that it is better for others to believe we are okay. The standard response to “How are you?” is always something like “I’m okay” or “Just fine”. As Christians, we often think we must look as much like Jesus as possible, so we strive hard to look okay. However, this type of approach always comes up short. We wind up faking it more than actually living it. Although a positive outlook and encouragement are important, faking those things is detrimental. It presents a false perception of things. It actually discourages not only others, but ourselves as well. We wind up constantly comparing ourselves to the illusion we have created and are trying to sell to others.
When I allow myself to look like I need Jesus, I become more like Him.
Following Jesus is an awesome, but difficult, journey. Often, I have found myself striving hard to look like Him. It is exhausting, and I fail miserably every single time. I feel guilty and want to just give up. Perhaps the best approach is not just trying to constantly be like Him, which leads to me measuring my worth by how well I perform. Jesus never hid the fact that He needed His relationship with God. He depended on Him fully, trusting Him constantly. Maybe it should not be quite so different for us. Instead of working hard in my own strength to have it all together and be like Jesus, it is more about living in the freedom of knowing I need Him and not trying to hide it. This beautiful example of surrendering to God is a good foundation for living in His Grace, trusting Him to work in and through me, and finding true peace. Admitting I’m not okay is a tremendous step of faith. And the unbelievable surprise is, when I let go of self-effort to be like Him and trust Him to do His work in me, I begin to see evidence of being more like Him.