Self-esteem is a high commodity. Books geared towards helping one build up his or her self-worth have been flying off shelves for decades. Motivational speakers can fill large stadiums, drawing crowds easily whereever they go. Counselors, therapists, and ministers all see people regularly who are struggling due to how they see themselves. As a whole, we are hungry to feel better about ourselves.
There appear, to me, to be more than one phase that we can be in regarding how we view ourselves. There are those of us in the first phase: “Complete Awareness Phase”. In this phase, we are completely aware of how negative our view of self truly is. We look in the mirror and hate what we see. We find it very difficult to see even one thing we like about ourselves. We may even struggle with seeing that we have a purpose. When in this phase, we are depressed/emotionally distraught. We feel hopeless most of the time. This is a scary place to be.
The second phase is the “Aware But Hiding Phase”. Some of us know exactly how we view ourselves, but we are “working on it”. We are attempting to cloak just how unacceptable/unsuccessful/unlovable/ugly/weak we think we are. There is a considerable amount of anxiety associated with this phase. The uncertainty of whether we will find what we are looking for is stressful. In this phase, we hide behind things such as our children, hobbies, work, wealth, power, attaining goals we set, appearance, skills, knowledge/education, or a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. In this phase, we work our butts off to find a satisfiable view of ourselves through something outside of us.
The third phase is the “Unaware and Striving Phase”. Similar to the previous phase I mentioned, this one includes a lot of trying to find worth in things in this world. The difference is, in this phase, we are either so good at finding temporary feelings of worth in people/performance/things, or so oblivious to the truth for some other reason that we are also temporarily unaware of just how in the tank our self-worth is. A good example might be a professional athlete who is very good at what he or she does. The only time people in this position might realize how they truly view themselves is when they have an injury and cannot perform at the same level anymore. Then they are faced with the truth: “Their value was dependent upon something that was fleeting!”.
I would bet that 99% of anyone reading this, including myself, is in one of these phases, at least in some way. I admit, Phases I and II are popular choices for me. Years ago I was provided with knowledge about myself that made Phase III difficult for me to reside in now. The veil has been removed. Now it feels like this: “scramble to put the tiny veil back on or sit in a pile of miserableness”.
In this world, there truly are no other options…not that I can see this morning, while I sit here in this quiet house, pondering the things that run through my mind early in the morning before anyone else is up. But as a person who has seen, firsthand, others find freedom from the cycling through of those three phases, I need to remind myself where my real worth is found. Yes, I do have worth, despite the lie that I believe that I do not.
When I make a large purchase (car, furniture, etc.), I often do not know enough about the item to know the value of that item. Without some trustworthy information about that item, I might wind up purchasing something for more than it is worth. To get the best idea of its value, I think the ideal source to check is the designer/creator of that item. He or she would know what materials were used, who assembled it (and how carefully they did it), and how valuable it truly is.
In searching for our worth, we need to look to the One who knows us best: our Creator. He knit us together in the womb. He knows what “went into making us”. He valued us so greatly that He paid a high price for us to be set free and to call us His own children. He sent His own Son, who willingly chose to be put to death to save us. We were purchased for a price so high it cannot be fathomed. Our value and worth, dependent on God’s love for us, is as great as that immeasurable love. God, our Father in Heaven, cannot love something of no value.
Perhaps “self-worth” is a bad way to describe the true worth we have in Christ. It is a “worth based on Christ”. Although our feelings, what others think, what our experiences teach us, or even what we think might contradict the truth about our value in Jesus Christ, they are all flimsy things to rely on in evaluating our view of self. All the failures and rejection in the world will not and cannot devalue us one bit. The value placed on us as children of God is eternal because His love for us is eternal.