And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:8-13, ESV)
Anyone who knows anything about me probably knows that I have been a fan of old-school Smashing Pumpkins music for a long time. Recently, while listening to one of my favorite songs, a lyric sung by Billy Corgan stood out to me. In the song “Soma”, he makes the statement, “The opiate of blame…is your broken heart”. While I think Corgan was pointing towards something else entirely, I began pondering something about the “opiate of blame” part.
In a previous post, I talked extensively about manipulation in our lives. One of the most used forms of manipulation is blame. It goes way back to the Garden of Eden. Adam quickly blamed God, Eve, and Satan for his sin. When we place blame on someone or something other than ourselves, we choose to shift the focus off of ourselves. Instead of taking responsibility for our own choices (standing by and saying nothing as Eve had a conversation with Satan, eating the fruit offered by Eve, etc.), Adam chose to blame others in an attempt to avoid his own guilt and shame.
Blame is like an opiate. Opiates are painkillers. They offer a quick escape from reality. When we do something wrong, there are consequences, and those consequences affect ourselves and others. Blame is used to manipulate a situation so that the pain of personal guilt is killed. Blame appears to be an escape from the consequences of our actions. It feels much safer than owning our mistakes. It feels much easier than taking personal responsibility for something. These feelings are lying, however, just like the feelings ascertained by taking opiates. When on an opiate, the damage that is causing the pain is still there, although temporarily numbed. It is the same with blame. Later, these things will resurface, just as the pain does after an opiate wears off. And while we are numbed, more damage will be done because the pain is not there to warn us to stop. Blame is different than opiates in at least one way. Opiates have a place in medicine for those who need it. Blame is an insidious drug that, even in moderation, has no real, lasting benefits.
Blame is tempting only because we fail to see the truth behind what it is and what it does. Blame requires absolutely no trust in the Lord whatsoever and only tears down relationships with others. It is an act independent of God that leads to all kinds of painful consequences that only get worse due to the delay in dealing with them. The truth is, although every situation involves people on both sides who are at fault for something, it is advantageous to no one to point fingers.
It is vitally important for us to acknowledge our tendency to blame. Once we are willing to acknowledge this tendency, we can sense the Holy Spirit nudging us so that we can catch ourselves in the act. We can then choose to take a step of faith rather than settle to hide behind blame. If all those involved in a given situation chose not to blame, issues would be resolved and relationships would be restored. If only one person decided to take up his or her own responsibility, that one person would be able to move forward, even if the relationship did not. But when no one is willing to look at themselves…when everyone chooses to blame, then everyone is bound to the consequences of unaddressed hurt and shame, which are extremely painful, even if the blame delays the onset of symptoms.